Page 98 of Selfie

“I think if Elise were here, I wouldn’t see you the same way. I’m not attracted to men in love.”

“Do you get it, now? The problem?” He sits up straight, wiping away the few tears he let himself shed.

“Actually, no, I don’t.”

“Do you really want to be with a guy who is still in love with another woman?”

His words take my breath away. I never thought about it that way. As the realization moves through me, I know my answer. Ifind his hand and weave my fingers through his. “Do you want to be with anyone else while you’re still in love with Elise?”

Nathan grimaces like he’s in pain. “Before you came into the picture, Elise was the first thing I thought about when I woke up. She was the last thing I saw before I went to sleep. But these days, all I see is you.”

I nod in understanding. “And you don’t like that.”

He cups my cheek with his free hand, stroking under my eye with his thumb. “It’s a beautiful sight. But I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more. I’m not sure if I ever will be. It’s why I’m careful with you, Spencer. I don’t let myself look at you or touch you like I want. I don’t say all the dirty things I want to do with you. Things you’d love. Things that would feel so good, we’d both get attached. You’re so young. I don’t want my baggage holding you back. And I refuse to make you promises I can’t keep. I’m not playing games with you, I’m just trying to put together an impossible puzzle. One that ends with you and me, but also?—”

“You and Elise.” I squeeze his hand, then bring it to my lips and kiss each of his knuckles. “I get it. I do. You’re a good man for being considerate of what would happen to me if you led me on.”

“Am I, though? A good man would let you go.” He nods toward the wastebasket. “And I’m not doing that. I’ll call your old boss’s boss and buy the company right out from under him before I let you leave me.”

Good luck.That would mean calling Dex, and I’m pretty sure he’s just as rich as Nathan is. “So you want to keep me here, prisoner?”

“Like Fiona in that dragon-guarded tower.Forever.” He pumps his brows, adding a little humor into his response.

“Charlie made you watchShrek,” I intuit.

“Every. Single. One,” he deadpans. “You were sick for twenty years, by the way.”

“Be glad you didn’t have to sit throughPuss in Boots.”

“Oh, that movie holds up. I like the Spanish cat. Actually, I like cats in general. I’d be okay with getting one if it wasn’t for Spike. He’d look like Thanksgiving dinner to a calico cat.”

My eyes pop wide. “You’re worried for Spike’s safety? Since when?”

He smooths his eyebrow with the edge of his thumb. “Monday night, after our spat, Spike and I came to an agreement. We’re okay now.”

I feel like there’s more to this story, but there are more pressing matters at hand to discuss. “Nathan, I do still want to quit.”

“No.” He wraps his hand around my leg like it’s a life-preserver ring. “What do I need to fix?”

“Casey.” It just pops out. I didn’t mean to go whining to Nathan, but it’s the only real answer.

“He’s a good guy. A little full of himself, but a hard worker. And you don’t have to fetch him coffee.” He releases me, then pats my leg, shrugging off my complaint.

“I slept with him.”

Nathan goes stiff. His jaw twitches as his teeth grind together. I watch his Adam’s apple bounce as he swallows hard. “You met him this morning. So you’re telling me sometime before lunch with Dawn you let a stranger fuck you at work?”

“He lied. We met five years ago at UNLV. I told you I went to school here briefly.”

He nods along. “You left after two weeks because your mom passed away.”

Nathan was just so vulnerable, I want to be the same. But this is a different kind of trauma. One I’m not sure he’ll understand. I’m worried I look silly or insecure—maybe I’m both. But allI know is Casey changed my life for the worst. After what he put me through, I don’t view the world the same way. I never look over my shoulder because I don’t want to catch someone laughing at me. It would’ve been easier if he assaulted me. People would get how wrong that is. But do people understand the gut-wrenching pain of public humiliation and how it scars you for the rest of your life? That’s so much harder to explain.

“Casey was my first. He wasn’t very nice to me. Even if my mom hadn’t passed away, I probably still would’ve dropped out of school.”

A new look crosses Nathan’s face. A dangerous, madman flicker, very Dexter-esque. “He forced you?”

“No.No, no. It was consensual and I was of age. Barely, but still. He was the starting quarterback and I thought he was a good guy.”

---