Page 48 of Book People

You changed me. You made me different. My life will never be the same, and I don’t know whether I love you or hate you for that.

C

KATE

I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know if this is a good idea or the worst one I’ve ever had. I don’t know if this will make my life even more difficult or not change it one iota, and which is worse out of the two . . .

Well, I don’t know that either.

I only know that I’ll die if I don’t kiss him.

He came to me. He crossed the space between us and touched me first. That’s what I wanted. I wasn’t going to force myself on him if he really didn’t want me to. I wanted him to make the choice.

And he did.

His chest is hard and I can feel his heartbeat. Strong. Fast. His mouth is hot and at first he doesn’t move as I kiss him, as if he’s waiting for something.

I touch my tongue to his lips, tracing their shape and he opens his mouth and fire consumes us. His kiss is as demanding as it was the night before and his hands are in my hair. He closes his fingers into fists and he’s holding me still as he devours me, stepping in closer and pushing me up against the kitchen bench. He’s tall, muscular and very strong.

I’m not afraid of him. I’m exhilarated, the blood roaring in my ears, a nagging ache between my thighs. I feel as if I’m in a sleek, powerful sports car, travelling far too fast, taking corners wildly, recklessly, and I don’t care. All I want is to go faster.

I smell his skin, musk and spice, and my mouth is watering. I claw at his shirt, wanting to get it open so I can taste the salty hollow at the base of his throat, but his fingers leave my hair to close around my wrists and he holds me tight. He lifts his mouth from mine.

I can still hear his voice saying my name and it echoes inside me like a prayer.

‘What?’ I ask, looking up at him, my voice husky. ‘If you’re changing your mind I might just have to kill you.’

His eyes have gone dark, that blue just before the blackness of space again, and there’s a feral glint in them that thrills me down to the bone.

‘I’m not changing my mind,’ he says roughly. ‘But I’ve been dreaming of this moment for six fucking months and you’re going to have to do it my way if you don’t want me to embarrass myself.’

A shiver goes through me. Six months? He’s been dreaming of . . . this? Me? For six months?

I swallow. ‘But . . . I’ve only been here for six months.’

‘Yes.’ His eyes glow. ‘Exactly.’

‘I thought you hated me,’ I say, staring at him in shock.

‘I never hated you.’ He lets one of my wrists go as his hand drops to the tie of my wraparound dress. ‘It was wanting you I hated.’

He pulls the tie and the little knot unravels and my dress falls open.

I don’t stop it.

His gaze drops to my body and he lets out a breath. His expression is almost reverent as he stares at me, taking in all of me, from my throat, down over my breasts, to my hips and thighs. I don’t feel self-conscious, not the way I did with Jasper, because Sebastian looks at me as if he’s seeing something precious, something holy.

Jasper didn’t look at me at all.

‘I knew it,’ he breathes. ‘I knew you’d be beautiful.’

Idofeel beautiful in this moment. I feel precious, and holy, and when he lifts a hand and touches my throat, his fingertips brushing over my skin, over my breasts and my stomach, tracing the line of my hips and thighs, I shiver.

I don’t want to admit it to myself, because admitting it means Jasper’s been in my head for longer than I wanted him to be, but . . . it’s been a long time since I’ve felt beautiful or precious or holy. Mostly it’s been ‘Time to lay off the crisps, love’ or ‘Would it kill you to use a razor sometimes?’ Or ‘Can you not make that weird sound?’

Little comments, but in a constant stream, like water torture, until every drop is painful. And you can’t move in case another falls, and you think keeping still will help.

I’ve been keeping still for a long time.

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