Page 97 of Book People

I can’t, H. Please don’t ask me any more. Let it go.

C

KATE

It’s Sunday, the last day of the festival, and Portable Magic is having a romance panel, consisting of my book-club attendees, festival-goers interested in knowing more about the genre, and some authors I managed to pull in.

The bookshop is packed.

I have my brightest smile pinned to my face and the ‘good thoughts’ mantra on repeat in my head.

Anything to blot out the memory of Sebastian the night before, striding away from me, no looking back, no hesitation. If he was Orpheus and I was Eurydice, I’d have come back from the underworld alive and well and singing hallelujah.

I watched him go, his tall figure wavering, and even though I expected it, my eyes were full of shocked, painful tears.

I told him I loved him and it wasn’t enough in the end, and if I was the strong, modern woman I’m supposed to be, I’dlaugh and say ‘Good riddance’ and get on with living my strong, modern life.

But there’s no laughter left inside me and I don’t feel strong. I feel broken, and all I can think is a bitter ‘Of course’. Of course he doesn’t want me.

Men have always let down the women in our family and why would I think he was different?

I don’t regret what I said, though, no matter how it hurts.

The truth is important and I was done with lying.

‘Isn’t that right, Kate?’ someone says.

I blink and realise I’m supposed to be managing this panel, not vaguing out and staring into space, brooding over my poor broken heart.

I take a deep breath and force away the pain. ‘Yes,’ I say to Mrs Abbot, who was the one who spoke, though I have no idea what she actually said. ‘Who else has a question?’

A woman by the door raises a hand and I point to her.

‘Happy endings,’ the woman says. ‘Are they mandatory in a romance?’

A Greek chorus of shrieking from the book-club regulars erupts in response, and the noise rises as lots of people leap in with opinions, talking over each other.

No. It’s a good thing that we’re not together any more, and I have to tell myself that. It’s better if he walks away, because if he doesn’t want what I do, then I’m better off without him.

It’s too soon after Jasper anyway, and Sebastian is a lot to handle. He’s moody and intense, a dark cloud, while I prefer the sunshine.

We argue a lot. We’re too different. He’s too arrogant and he likes his own way far too much, and I’m stubborn. I don’t like being told what to do.

Basically, even if hedidfeel the same way I do, it wouldn’t work out between us, so there’s no point being hurt about it.

It’s all for the best.

‘Not always,’ I say to myself, because sometimes grand romancesdon’thave happy endings.

An elbow suddenly digs into my side and I startle.

Every single person in the packed bookshop is staring at me in surprised silence. The festival-goers have interested looks on their faces, while the book-club attendees express nothing but betrayal.

‘Oops,’ Aisling murmurs from her seat beside mine. ‘That’s not what you were supposed to say. You’re the convener, Kate. You’d better start convening.’

Happy endings. Are they even possible in real life? When reality is so full of pain and tragedy? Right now I can’t think of one love story I know of that ended happily.

Including my own.

---