Page 18 of Hard Discipline

He says nothing once they’re all displayed, merely straightening and then going over to a sleek drinks cabinet of dark wood, taking out a tumbler and a bottle. He opens the bottle, pours a measure of golden liquid into the tumbler, then strolls back to the coffee table and looks meditatively down at the toys he’s laid out.

My breathing sounds shaky in the endless silence and I find I can’t look away from the toys or from him. Is he thinking about which one he’s going to use on me? Because obviously they’re for me, aren’t they? A shiver moves through me, a strange mixture of fear, desire, dread, and a breathless anticipation. My brain won’t stop picturing him using all those toys on me in all kinds of ways, and I don’t know whether I’m terrified or turned on.

He doesn’t move, sipping slowly from his tumbler, and time seems to stretch out the way it did before—becoming elasticand syrupy. My brain is moving faster and I’m starting to pant, because I don’t want him to use those things on me.I don’t.I was hurt in the attack, my hands scraped against the brick wall of the building as that bastard held me against it, forcing me into immobility. I hadn’t thought all the bondage stuff would be a problem, but now it’s staring me in the face, I realize it very much is a problem. And I don’t want it to be.

I don’t want to be afraid, but I am.

“I can hear you breathing, sub,” Mr. Fairfax says, still looking down at the coffee table. “You sound afraid. See something you don’t like?”

Is it a rhetorical question? Do I answer?

“You may answer,” he continues, his attention on the toys even as he reads my mind.

“Y-yes,” I stutter hoarsely.

“You want to give me your safe word?”

“No.” This time there is no stutter.

Finally he turns and glances at me, his gaze a fierce blue flame and sucks all the air from my lungs. I can’t read the expression on his face, but…is that approval? Is he pleased?

He takes another sip of his drink, still studying me. “Pick one,” he says. “Pick a toy you’d like me to use.”

I blink, unsure, because he’s really going to let me decide on a toy? That seems very generous of him. But his expression remains enigmatic and it seems as if he’s waiting for me to choose, so I look at the array of toys, my breath shuddering in and out. They all look little frightening if not outright painful, so I go for the one I’m at least familiar with.

“The v-vibrator,” I say, my voice husky in the silence of the room.

His gaze is still pinned to mine as he nods slowly. “A fine choice,” he murmurs. Then he knocks back his drink, puts the tumbler down on the coffee table, and picks up the jeweledclamps instead. “But again, the correct answer to any question I put to you is,whatever you will, Master.”

Fuck. That was another test?

And you failed it.

I lick my dry lips, my eyes prickling for some reason. “I-I’m sorry. I should?—”

“You’ll learn,” he interrupts, holding the jeweled clamps in his hands as he comes over to where I’m kneeling. He crouches down in front of me, searching my face with the kind of focused intensity he seems to bring to everything he does. “You can cry, sub,” he says. “It’s hard when you disappoint people isn’t it?”

I blink furiously, because I don’t want to cry. I’ve gotten used to failing people over the last couple of years, so why the fuck it matters to me so much that I failed his stupid test is anyone’s guess. And who cares if I cry in front of him anyway? I already have, so it’s not like he hasn’t seen my tears.

“You’re used to succeeding,” he goes on, still staring intently at me. “Luc told me. In fact you’re a regular little high achiever aren't you?” He holds the clamps delicately. “In which case here’s another test for you.”

And before I can do anything, he fastens the clamps to my throbbing nipples.

10

Gideon

She gasps aloud as I fasten each jeweled clamp gently on her pale, pretty nipples. They’re already hard so this will hurt, but I wanted to see what her tits would look like with them on. And indeed, they look as fucking beautiful as I thought they would.

The pressure is slight, enough for a beginner, and from the shaken hissing of her breath as I adjust the tension, it’s more than enough for her now. Her eyes have gone huge, her body trembling as I shift back to look at my handiwork.

I’ve been hard on her, it’s true, but that’s the kind of Master I am. I mess with a sub’s head and set her off balance so that the only steady ground for her is me.

The kiss I gave her was just one example. She wasn’t expecting it, especially given how hard I was holding her hair — giving the rough with the smooth can really unsettle a sub so deliciously. I don’t normally kiss subs, though, because that involves a level of intimacy or closeness that I don’t enjoy.However, my instinct told me it would put her off balance, so I went with it, and indeed it did. What was a little disturbing was the strange urge I had to keep kissing her, which I never, ever experience. Her lips were soft and lush, and I just knew that if I parted them with my tongue, her mouth would be hot and sweet.

But I told her the truth when I said I was into denial. Subs think that means denying them what they want, and it is, but I also deny myself. It builds the tension, builds the electricity, builds the hunger to a screaming point, which then makes the orgasm even more intense. Both for her and for me.

I took my time choosing which toys I was going to use for that reason too. I wanted to mess with her head even more by getting her to sit in the living area on her own. Time can play tricks on you in those kinds of situations and I could tell the moment I walked back into the room that it had played those tricks on her.

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