Page 26 of Hard Discipline

It comes out more challenging than I meant it too, and Mr. Fairfax tenses. “What would you know about it?” he snaps, the weariness gone, only anger there now. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I haven’t lost anyone, it’s true,” I admit, not flinching from his gaze, because this feels important somehow. “But I know what kind of life I’ve been living for the last two years. I buried myself, Mr. Fairfax. I shut myself away because I was afraid, and that’s not living. That’s a living death. And it seems to me that you’re doing the same thing.”

Anger flickers in his eyes. “What makes you think that you know anything about me?”

“I only know what Luc told me and what I’ve seen of you tonight,” I say levelly. “Tell me I’m wrong about you then.”

I shouldn’t be pushing him and I know that. It’s really not my place since I’m only his son’s ex-girlfriend and his sub for the evening, nothing more. Then again, who else does he have to challenge him? To ask him hard questions and talk to him about difficult subjects? Maybe he’s right and I’mwrong. Maybe he’s got a whole host of friends he talks to. Maybe I really don’t know him and all this stuff about us being alike is just some shit I made up in my head.

He sits there in silence for a long moment, staring at me. Abruptly, he drains his glass and puts it down on the carpet next to me. Then he leans forward again and this time he reaches outand cups my cheek in one large, warm palm. “You’re not wrong,” he says quietly. “And don’t call me Mr. Fairfax. My name is Gideon.”

I shiver at his touch, then flush with pleasure at being given his actual name. “Gideon,” I echo, unable to resist saying it. “You deserve a life, you know. You deserve to be happy.”

“And you think I’m not?”

“Do you?” I want to lean into his hand, but I don’t, not when I’m challenging him.

A breath escapes him and he gives my cheek a caress before sitting back in the couch again. “You know the answer to that already, I think.”

I do, and he isn’t, and something in me wants to change that. I want to give him some happiness, even if it’s only a moment of it.

So I shift once again, coming onto my knees and lowering my lashes, my attention on my thighs. “Please, Master,” I say. “Let me tend to you. Let me give you some relief.”

14

Gideon

She’s kneeling on the carpet in front of me with her attention down just like a good sub should. Her hair is mass of wild white-blonde curls down her back, her body is all pale, silky perfection, and my cock is getting hungry for more.

But my body can fucking deal with itself, because the conversation we just had has put me off-balance in way I can’t remember being before. She was so sharp and the way she looked at me, the things she said, were so insightful that she literally took my breath away.

She should have no concept of who I am, not as a man, and yet what she said about us being alike and letting the world pass us by…

She’s right.

Perhaps. I know I cut off a lot of friends after Gabrielle’s death, burying myself in my work so I didn’t have to deal with them. I let my son grieve without me because I couldn’t handle his grief as well as my own, and that has left scars on us both.The only physical contact I have is purely sexual in nature, and only when I have direct control over the situation. And the conversation I’ve just had with my son’s twenty-something-year-old ex-girlfriend is the most I’ve talked to anyone about Gabrielle’s death in years.

Sheisright. I’m closed off and isolated and the world is passing me by, but that’s by choice. I didn’t want to deal with the world and so I didn’t. I still don’t, and yet I can’t stop looking at her and wondering what it is about her that has me talking like this and thinking like this?

Why, out of all the subs I’ve had, is she the one who has managed to get under my guard? Is it because of what she said? That we’re alike? That we’re kindred spirits in that our spirits have been battered and bruised and want comfort in each other?

She’s beautiful, no question, but as I keep thinking and keep discovering, there’s more to her than beauty. She’s submissive and yet she was challenging me now as if she hadn’t been obeying me seconds before. And now she’s back to being submissive again, offering to tend to me.

I do not, a rule, let subs serve me anything other than their bodies. I don’t have them bring me food or drink, or undress me, or bathe me. I don’t like how those things close the distance between me and a sub, especially when the serving is in a non-sexual way.

So I should say no to her. Get another toy from the coffee table, maybe the flogger, and whip her for her insolence. Deny her another orgasm then have her suck me off. Get the butt plug that’s still in the box, that I decided was too much for her first night, and put it in her, work it until she’s crying and then take her ass with my dick.

I should… But… I’m tired all of a sudden. I’m tired of all of this. Tired of the grief and pain, and the regrets I have over Lucas. Tired of the barren field that my life has somehowbecome. Tired of fighting myself and my susceptibility to this beautiful woman.

She’s here, offering me what both the Master and the man want, and so why shouldn’t I take it? What harm would it do? She wants to give me relief, and yes, I fucking want it. I fucking need it.

“Beautifully offered,” I murmur. “Well done, sub.”

She flushes, a pretty pink wave washing down her neck and over her lovely breasts. “Thank you, Master.”

“Yes,” I say. “Yes, sub. You can tend to me.”

She looks up then, a startled, bright silver glance directly at me before looking back down again. Another thing I should punish her for since I didn’t tell her to look at me. But I’m not going to punish her. I saw how badly she wants to serve me and how it both surprised and pleased her that I accepted her offer. I’m not immune to her desires, and she’s been so good, so honest and open with me. So generous, too, smart and sharp, and challenging into the bargain. What she wants, I want, and I’m even thinking of letting her have free rein to please me however she wants, which is something I never give a sub.

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