Page 24 of Saddles

I squat next to the stove, hugging my knees.

My heart fucking aches and my hands shake.

“I can’t do this. Not again. Please, send someone to help her,” I say hoarsely into the mic.

I don’t even want to touch her.

This is too much.

A knot forms in my throat. I shouldn’t fucking cry. But God damn it, I can’t do this again.

It’s been years and the agony is still too difficult most days for me to handle.

Why do I have to live this again? Why me?

“Ford? Talk to me, buddy.” Wade’s tone is calm. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Please, come get her.” The words choke me as they escape.

“Ford.” Dixon cuts in. “Get up there and do this. I know you can. You couldn’t save Sarah, save this girl. She needs you to be there for her.” His tone is commanding.

He’s right.

Damn it all.

“Miss Frosty, I’m gonna do something we’re both gonna hate.” I stand up and tug my shirt off over my head. “I hope you’re ripe pissed at me in the morning, I’ll give you every chance to be.” I unzip my own jeans and adjust my boxers, then kick off my boots.

I grab the button on the front of her pants, and peer hard into her slack face. “I gotta take these off. For the love of all things holy, wake the fuck up right now. Please?”

Not even an eyelid stirs.

“I promise I won’t charge you,” Wade chuckles.

“Shut up, Wade,” I snap, and end the call. His dark humor is not welcome at the moment.

Peeling her ruined Levi’s off, the pink panties beneath them are soaked through in dried blood as well.

It makes me want to burn the world down, and take me with it.

She feels as if she’s made of ice when I climb into the bed next to her.

I manage to loosen the blanket from beneath her, and throw it over top of both of us.

Hugging her frigid body next to mine feels like cuddling a snow bank.

My nuts shrink up into my belly as the cold of her skin takes my breath.

I might freeze to death holding her.

It physically hurts to touch her, but I press my knees behind hers and tighten her back against my chest.

If I hold her tight enough, maybe she can share some of this pain.

“Tell me who hurt you. I’ll ruin them for what they did,” I whisper against her matted hair.

How long did they keep her? I need to find them, and make them pay for this.

She braved a blizzard to get to me.

---