Page 37 of Saddles

April being here has made the grief almost overwhelming again.

I’m not worth the praise she seems to want to offer.

Pepper trots inside through the back door from her corral, pinning her ears when she sees me and nodding her head.

“Yea, yea, I know.” I top off her alfalfa and give her a scoop of grain. She needs the calories to stay warm in this storm.

Her lip curls up at me, like she’s flipping me off before she dives into her tray.

I take the empty bucket to the corner of the barn where the spigot is to the well, and pump it until there’s enough water to top off her trough, and to fill the containers I brought from the cabin.

One of them will top off the reservoir above the tub.

Seeing the bruises on April’s back when I was rinsing her off brought a hollow, useless anger into me.

No one should be treated like that.

It makes me want to wrap her like a fragile vase and protect her.

But that fire in her eyes tells me she’d fight to bust out. I bet she was a real pistol before all of this.

I hope she regains that.

“Be good, girl,” I call to Pepper as I leave.

She stomps her rear foot in reply.

I need to get the saddle blanket before I leave. “Come on, Roscoe.” I click my tongue, beckoning him to follow me back to the warmth of the cabin.

Fuck, it’s cold. The icy gale sucks the heat right out of me before I even make it to the door.

April watches me silently as I drop my stuff and shed my coat.

“How many horses do you have?” she asks quietly.

“Just the one here. There’s two back at the ranch, but they’re both only green broke and too young. Maybe by next year they’llbe old enough for this trip.” I’m not entirely sure if I’ll ever be coming back.

Hell, I might not ever make it home. I’m starting to find peace with that idea.

All of this is just too damn hard to stomach some days.

“Do you miss it? The ranch, I mean?” Her gaze bores into me. “Do you have someone back there? You get this faraway look sometimes…” She trails off.

I shake my head. “Nope. No one to miss.”

Except Sarah. Every fucking day.

“I gotcha.” Her lips purse. “Messed something up? Is that why you’re hiding up here?”

My instinct is to yell at her to mind her own business.

I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut for a moment. “You could say something like that.”

Hopefully my gruff reply stops this line of questioning.

After putting another log on the fire, I spread out the horse blanket on the floor in front of the bed.

When I sit, and pull my heavy coat over my chest, April pokes her head off the side of the mattress. Her short cropped blond hair makes a spiky halo around her face.

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