Page 45 of Saddles

April’s chin slips down and her lips form a perfect “O”. “Ford, what did they do?” she whispers.

“It wasn’t all of ‘em. Just that piece of shit, Sean.” I blame him for the rest.

And myself.

I lean forward so my elbows rest on my knees as the fire of regret burns in my chest. “I turned off my phone and went to the bar. I was intent on finding someone who didn’t give a flying fuck about even knowing my name.” I study April’s face, waiting for the moment when she realizes I’m the monster in this story.

“Did you?” Her gaze is just as piercing.

“Hell no. I finally felt guilty for even looking, and turned my cell back on.” I’ll never forget that moment when the texts started flooding in.

The liquor boils in my stomach with the memories.

Jumping off the stool, I run to the door and fling it open to the storm, letting the wind bury the contents of my guts when I heave the Jack Daniels and the pasta into the snowbank.

I stay out there long enough that the chill eats into me and my toes begin to go numb.

The tears on my cheeks have to be from vomiting. Brushing them away, new ones take their place leaving icy paths down into my whiskers.

Why does it still have to hurt so damn bad?

Will the ache in my chest ever stop?

Moving into the heat of the cabin, I busy myself with putting another log in the stove. It doesn’t really need it, but I do.

“Ford? What happened?”

I can’t look at her. My eyes sting staring at the flames.

It has to be the fire making them water.

“She couldn’t get a hold of me. So she asked Sean to help her load her car. That asshole pushed her to drink, then brought her to the bar.” My fist clenches and I turn my knuckles to glare at the jack-o-lantern tattoo.

Never forget.

“He left her there, drunk as fuck. Val tried to call me like twenty times to come and get Sarah.” I might get sick again, knowing Val watched her best friend crying overme.

April doesn’t speak. She just watches me.

I bet with pity.

Taking a deep breath doesn’t make this easier. “I got there after she left. Chris, who I thought was a friend, offered her a ride.” He stabbed me in the back, so I returned the favor only a few weeks later.

Black Gulch is full of skeletons.

“He didn’t though, did he?” She doesn’t really say it as a question.

It’s like she knows already.

I shake my head. “I was heading back to the truck when I heard them laughing.”

Their cackles are forever seared in my brain.

April’s fingers fly up over her mouth as her face pales. “Oh no.”

Helplessness overtakes my limbs, just as it did that night.

“Chris had a distinctive giggle. I remember stopping because I didn’t think I had actually heard right. But then there was the crying…” I stare at my palms that were once covered in Sarah’s blood.

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