Page 52 of Saddles

April stands up, the intensity of her stare shifts to defiance jutting her chin out. “Don’t cut yourself short. You gave me what I needed. Safety. Comfort. Peace.” Her finger jabs into my bare chest. “Remember that.” She pivots to the stove and dips a sauce pan into the hot water, then dumps it into the empty bath.

Roscoe cocks his head watching her move back and forth with the smaller pan, then settles onto his paws with a sigh.

Yea, me too buddy.

“Here, I can get the rest.” I don’t know how I pissed her off, but I’ll try to fix it.

When I reach out to touch her arm, it startles me to see tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Hey, what’d I do? I’m sorry?” What am I apologizing for?

She sniffles, striking away the droplet clinging to her nose. “It’s stupid. It’s not you.” She steps backwards letting me empty the second full pot into the tub.

I let it clang to the floor, then grip her shoulders, making her look at me. “Tell me so I can do better.”

Her honey colored eyes well. “It’s just, if I’d had met you first…before—” Her hand waves wildly in a circle. “—I know things would have been different. I’d have been protected. But I didn’t. And it’s…it’s not fair.” Her lower lip trembles even though she tries to bite it still.

Fuck.

I can’t fight that.

“You would have been. I promise it would have been different.” I don’t know what to do, so I pull her tight to me, tucking her head under my chin.

Like a dam breaking, she loses control and breaks into full sobs in my arms. Her shuddering cries echo through me, as if she’s weeping directly to my heart.

She clings to me, spilling her pain in rivulets that run down my bare chest until her legs give.

Before she falls, I scoop her up and carry her to the bed, lying us both down, I let her ball against me.

I don’t know how long she wept. Every time I thought she had finished, I felt her take another quaking breath before new tears fell.

All I can do is hold her, keep her warm, and match her grief at the loss of the lives we thought we’d have.

Chapter 16

April

When did I fall asleep?

I feel like such a hypocrite. I’m no sooner telling Ford to “get over it” and then I’m the one breaking down like a damn bawl baby.

I didn’t expect everything to hit so freaking hard.

His warm hand rests on my hip, but his light snoring is facing the wall.

There’s a piece of me that’s happy he isn’t on the floor again.

I kinda need to pee. But I also don’t want to get out from under the covers. I think the fire is out with how chilly the air is.

Fuck it. Turning over, I curl against his shoulder and rest my ear on his chest.

He only stirs a little, then snugs me against his side with a sigh.

The metronome of his heartbeat lulls me back into a lazy doze.

It just feels so…right. I’m warmer than I have been for days.

Blazing.

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