Page 67 of Saddles

I like my privacy, he knows it. This isn’t a light ask.

“I do. I wish I could do more. Hell, give her all my back pay, too.” I’ve been up here for months without spending a dime.

My house is owned by Black Gulch, and it covers my utilities.

All I have to spend my wages on is booze.

It’d be better spent on her.

“Ford. Areyouokay?” Pain laces his words. “You’re coming back, right?”

Rubbing my temples doesn’t make the pain in my chest go away.

I fucking miss her already. And that’s a bastard.

“Ford? Do you need a break? I’ll make Sawyer head up. He and Scott can bring a generator and their video game shit and hide for a week. Or two. Whatever you need. There’s enough powder the snow machines can make it up there pretty quick.” He shuffles something that sounds like pages in the background.

Is he making notes?

Weeks alone with April?

Tempting. But it would just delay the inevitable.

I’d fall for her, and she’d leave.

Then I’d really be fucked. Just like Sarah.

I think I loved her more than she did me, I was just too stupid to see it.

“No, I can stay.” It feels final to say it.

Like I just cut my heart out of my body.

He grunts, but doesn’t argue.

“Mason?” I can hear the gravel in my tone. “Take care of her for me?”

He sighs. “I remember someone telling me I gave a blowjob to karma to land Lori. Get up off your knees, Ford. You know I’m usually the one taking advice, not giving it. But get your head outof the past and open your eyes to the present. It’s obvious you care about this girl. I’ll give Sawyer a kick in the ass, he’s been moping around here lately anyway.”

My fist tightens against my thigh.

Instinct has me wanting to resist him. I haven’t earned shit.

But there’s a piece of me that wants a chance.

I got a tender sample last night of what April looks like when she’s truly at bliss. It’s hard not to want to join her.

Even if it’s only for a little while.

“Alright.” I give.

Let Sawyer come up. Two weeks and April will be sick of me.

Maybe that’s what she needs, so she can move on.

Whoever she ends up with had better treat her with the respect she deserves though.

God damn it, that hurts to contemplate.

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