Page 79 of Saddles

Fire creeps up my neck.

I hadn’t thought about that part. A sour taste fills my mouth at the thought of anyone except me seeing her naked.

Fuck. She ain’t mine.

But I want her to be.

“I shoulda been there. How was the sheriff?” I’m still ticked for not planning ahead. To distract myself, I squat in front of the stove and toss in another log.

“Oh, I haven’t talked to him yet. I was wondering if you’d mind going with me for that?” She takes a shuddering breath that echoes through the speaker. “It might be rough, rehashing all the details.”

“I’m honored you’d have me there for that.” I’ve seen some of her vulnerability, like moments of rain on a sunny day. But I have a feeling this is going to really open up those wounds.

I hope I’m strong enough. I have to be…for her.

She doesn’t have anyone in her corner.

And she deserves to.

“Thank you. We went to a second hand store today so I could pick up a few clothes. I have the receipts here to keep track. I appreciate you letting me borrow some money until I get my cards and everything back…” She trails off. “The guy on the helicopter said that usually the women’s shelter is where people in my situation are taken. I feel pretty special that you’re letting me stay here.”

My chest feels tight when I think of her having to go there. “I wish I could do more.”

Shit, I didn’t mean for my voice to crack.

“You’ve already done so much. More than I know you were comfortable with.” She pauses, with garbled sounds in the background. “Sorry, had to find the charger. Anyways, I was just going to say that I know you’re only going to be out of the cabin for a week, so afterwards, you know, if you wanted, um…” Her word salad fades.

“What, frosty? Spit it out.” I haven’t known her to be at a loss.

She lets out a long sigh. “I just need help for a little while, and maybe a ride to Missoula. Then you don’t have to feel obligated anymore. I know I’ve been pushy, and it might be because I’m trying to find any kind of distraction from all the crap that happened.”

Damn it. I can hear the tremble and the doubt.

I know that feeling all too well.

Questioning every thought. Wondering if any decision is the right one.

I could be a professional at self loathing.

But she shouldn’t.

I’m guessing it’s the hidden answer she’s wanting.

Is she good enough? Is she worth it?

They’re the same things I’ve asked myself every second since I first saw her.

“I know all kinds of ways to keep you occupied.” Hell, it’d probably do me good too. Entertaining her keeps my own thoughts out of the darkness.

I’d rather focus on her, it’s a much better place.

She giggles softly. “Ford? Are we just using each other to hide from our demons?”

I remember what she said to me yesterday. “Would that be so bad?”

I’d forget the world exists if I could find myself between her thighs.

She makes all the misery disappear when I’m with her.

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