Page 95 of Saddles

Chapter 29

Ford

A cold flutter of air has me grasping at the blanket.

Wait.

How did I get in bed?

My joints are stiff and sore, so a groan sneaks out when I turn over.

Is that—?

Her bare skin glows in the fading light as she kneels in front of the woodstove.

“Did I die? I didn’t think I’d land in heaven.” The rasp in my voice feels like razor blades.

When she turns to glance at me, her caramel eyes shine with brimming tears. “Almost,” she whispers.

With a shower of sparks, she throws another small log into the growing flames, then swings the metal door shut.

Goosebumps freckle her arms when she stands that race over her chest and disappear under the edge of her bra.

She’s so fucking perfect.

But she pauses at the edge of the bed, chewing on her bottom lip as her chin trembles. “I thought you were gone. Mason said you’ve tried this before. Am I wasting my time falling in love with you?”

If I could reach her, I’d pull her close. Yet, she’s a million miles away.

Rolling onto my back, my palm presses against my eyes until stars burst in the darkness.

Of course he’d tell her.

This ain’t his fault, though. It’s all mine.

“I thought you were gone.” I can’t look at her, the thought of almost losing her hurts too much. “I couldn’t handle it. All I could see was the worst possible option.”

The bed dips when she crawls onto it, pinning the covers beneath her, she crosses her ankles and hugs her legs to her chest. “What happens the next time? If I’m out getting groceries and the phone dies again? Because that’s what it did, your stupid battery went out, Ford. I turned to you because I was scared. I needed your strength. Was that a mistake?” Her palm flattens on my chest.

“No. I want you to be able to count on me.” Hell, I want her to be safe with me. Trust me.

I’ve already ruined that.

She leans closer, her face inches from mine. “What happens if we have a baby, and I don’t survive? Are they going to grow up an orphan?”

Stabbing pain seizes my belly.

She’s thought about children withme?

“No, never.” I have to touch her.

This could all be the last spark of my life leaving in some feverish dream.

When I reach out and brush the smooth skin of her jaw, wiping a smear of tears across her cheek, I know she’s real.

“I’d still have a piece of you to live for.” I remember Mason telling me that his kids are what got him through losing Carolyn.

“I saw your note,” she says quietly. “And you’re right. It’s like my heart is living outside of my chest.” She sniffs as her thumb rubs a slow circle over where mine beats. “Life is messy, Ford. It sucks. Horrible and terrifying things happen. We’ve both been through them. I just want to know if we can survive them together. Or do I need to move you to Florida where there’s no snowbanks?” A quivering smile tugs up the very corner of her mouth. “You could learn how to herd crocodiles and mosquitos.”

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