“It’s just that…the last thing either of us need right now is to complicate things with a baby.” Although it makes my nuts ache at the thought of coming inside her without a barrier. I’ve already done it once by mistake though.
More than I ever have in the past. I’m always careful.
She makes me reckless.
“Why? Kids are amazing. Or you just don’t want to be tied to me forever?” She shrugs off my hands. “Maybe I’m just the weird one?” She stalks towards the far gate. “I’m one of those crazy people that once I make up my mind, I don’t change it.”
I watch her move to the rear of her pickup and drop the tailgate. When she starts to unstrap a bulky tank with tubes, it spurs me into action.
“Here, push it over, I’ll help you get it down.” I want the last few minutes to disappear.
Damn sure thing I’ll never forget to put protection in my wallet again.
She rolls the machine close enough I can reach it. It’s heavier than it looks.
Raising my hand, I offer her my palm.
But she stops, towering over me, and plants her fists on her hips. “When I was four, I decided that pink was my favorite color.” Her lips purse as she stares down at me.
I wait for a moment, then drop my arm, confused. “Okay?”
Her eyes narrow. “People change all the time. Not me. When I was twelve and mom first got sick, she had to get a hysterectomy.” She squats in the bed, low enough our faces are level. “You know what she said? That she wished she had more babies. I guess they were trying for more when she got the diagnosis.” Her mouth purses as tears gather on her lower lids, but she sniffles them away. “So it mademe want kids someday. Paisley is the coolest toddler ever. And I know Char struggled, but she did a great job even when she was single.”
“Lib, I—”
She holds up her hand. “I ain’t saying I want to get knocked up right now either. What I don’t want is a guy who’s so terrified of the fact that he just stands in shock when the possibility is staring him in the face.” Her fist tangles in my shirt to tug me closer, then she presses her lips to mine in a fierce kiss.
When she pulls away, her chin juts. “I want you,” she whispers. “I’ve made my mind up. But now the ball is in your court.”
She hops down unassisted and grabs the bar of the milker to start rolling it towards the barn.
“You need to decide, Blue.” She doesn’t look back as she talks to me. “Be with me and flirt with danger, or we part now so I can find someone who isn’t petrified of wanting to be a dad.”
Jesus, I really fucked up. All because I thought I was being responsible.
I glance over at the men yelling back and forth in the stock yard.
Any one of them is closer to her age. They’re hard working, solid guys who would probably leap at the chance to be with her.
I bet many of them have already hit on her.
The idea of someone other than me touching her makes me feel violent.
And nauseous.
Maybe there’s a reason I haven’t looked twice at another woman since Thanksgiving when she pressed her body against mine?
Or that every night since her birthday party, I’ve dreamed about her?
The highlight of my morning was the brief kiss I stole when gathering the trailer.
Yea. My heart has already chosen.
It’s just my fucking brain that hadn’t caught up.
Chapter Twenty-two
Libby