Page 49 of Until You Found Me

“Balls on a string,” he deadpans.

She nudges him playfully. “I’m serious. It’s gonna be awful and I don’t want to go.”

“Then don’t go. Stay here.”

“Stay here in this bed? Never put on real clothes again?”

“Sounds like a valid life choice,” he agrees. “Pants are overrated.”

She sighs, nuzzling against the soft cotton on his shoulder. “Ifshewasn’t out there, I might do that, but she is and I have to know.”

“I’ll be there with you.”

“The whole time? Even if I start screaming during my hypno session?”

“It’s not a hypno session, but yeah, if you want me to be.”

She lifts her head. “I do. I only feel safe with you.”

He wants to kiss her so badly he’d move mountains to reach her, but she’s only a few inches away, cupping his chin and leaning up to press her lips to his, warm and chaste. She draws those little shapes on his chest again, slow and methodical, and tingles run up his spine while he chases her smile.

When she breaks away, he whines in the back of his throat, prompting a half laugh from her before she straddles him to settle in his lap, her bare thighs teasing him until he realizes he’s allowed to touch.

He travels from bent knees to the bend in her hip, inching the shirt up enough to graze her panty line with his thumbs. “Can I?”

“Anywhere. Everywhere.”

He swallows hard and abandons his ultimate goal to venture under her shirt to cup a small breast in his palm, loving how she shuts her eyes when he brushes his thumb over a pert nipple.

His throbbing erection is a welcome thing, but he’s shy about it, wary for reasons he doesn’t want to think about now. When she reaches for his waistband, his nod of agreement is quick, but his nerves are stuck in overdrive.

The only other person to see him naked was rough, insistent, and full of cutting comments shaded as backhanded compliments. He’s self-conscious about every inch of himself. A part of him wants to hide when she pulls his boxers away, even as he lifts his hips to help her drag them off. He doesn’t know how normal people do this because he’s never been normal and he’s pretty damn sure his ex wasn’t either.

Is it normal to inspire frustration in his partner? Is it normal to feel like every part of him is wrong somehow?

‘You think anyone else would put up with this? Think anyone else would touch you? You’re lucky you found me.’Lydia would say.‘What a waste of a handsome face. Good thing I enjoy a project.’

He believed her. Of course, he was lucky. Of course, once someone saw inside they’d leave. Too many faults, too much trauma seeping into every interaction.

Tessa kisses him quickly, coaxing his lips against hers, rocking herself on his thighs until there’s a wet spot sticky on his skin. It’s only then that her hand wraps around the shaft and he jumps, expecting a hard tug.

“We can stop,” she whispers, letting him go.

“No, I’m good.”

He doesn’t want to stop, he wants her. Wants to feel every inch of her until he forgets anyone else ever touched him. It shouldn’t be like this, he thinks sadly, resenting that he needs such constant conversation. It should be simple like everything else has been with her. Her touch is slow and light, caressing him from base to tip in a long stroke. With a single flick, her thumb grazes over the head, overwhelming him.

He groans, recognizing the tingle at the base of his spine even as he doubts it. “I’m gonna come if you keep doing thatand I wanna be…” He glances down between them, hoping she gets the hint when he can’t form a full sentence.I wanna be inside you, his brain supplies in silence, after spending his whole adult life never wanting that from anyone. He was fine by himself, even better without sex, until Tessa appeared and now those truths feel like lies. “Not like this, though. I can’t like this.”

He doesn’t want her straddling him. It’s too easy to feel trapped this way despite knowing he’s not.

She moves to the side, laying back against the pillows and unceremoniously removing her panties. “Like this?”

“Fuck yes, like that.” He covers her quickly enough that the bed bounces, and she laughs at his eagerness, the best sound he’s ever heard.

This is where it could all go wrong. While he’s hard now, he still doesn’t trust it. Almost came in her hand a moment ago, but experience tells him it doesn’t take much to deflate. All he has to do is think and it’ll all go to shit.

It’s not lost on him that he isn’t the only one with a past making this difficult, but she doesn’t look uncertain. She doesn’t seem anything but ready and so he tells himself that if she was having trouble, he would see it. She would say it. He would know.

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