Page 52 of Until You Found Me

“No.”

“Can you see his face?”

Her eyes scan the room, spotting him lounging in an armchair, beer in hand, focused on the game, his back to her. “No, he’s not looking at me.”

“Can you move closer to view him from another angle?”

She hesitates, he won’t like it if she bothers him while he’s watching TV. He’s already agitated from work, but she grabs a bowl of popcorn from the kitchen and uses that as an excuse. Moves closer and closer until her fear is all-consuming and places the bowl on the side table. “The fire alarm, we need a new one. I can grab it at the store tomorrow?”

There’s nothing but darkness and smoke in the space where hisface should be when he whirls around. “I told you it’s a waste of goddamn money! You got a job now? Paying bills yourself?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“Yeah, you never mean. You’re always sorry. Get the fuck outta here. I’m watching the game. If I need you, you’ll know.”

“Talk to me, Tessa. What’s happening?”

“I can’t see his face, I never can. It’s all black, like outer space, but no stars. Swirls of smoke. Empty.” She inhales sharply as the room spins and transforms until she’s somewhere else. A small bedroom painted a faded pink. “I see her.”

“You’re somewhere else now?”

“Yes, he’s not here. It’s only me and her.”

“What’s her name?”

“I don’t know. She’s on the bed and she’s crying. I’m next to her. I keep telling her that one day we’ll leave and it’ll be just us. She doesn’t believe me anymore. When I look up…”

“You always say that, momma. You always say we’ll leave and then we don’t, or we do, but we come back. I don’t wanna live here anymore.”

She cradles her daughter in her arms, her cries so soft and light that if she didn’t know better, she wouldn’t hear them at all. She’s trained to be quiet. To muffle her cries in a pillow or her mother’s stomach. Tessa strokes her hair and looks up to find her own reflection in a mirror across the room, purple and yellow bruises circling her neck.

“When you look up, you see what?”

“Bruises. Down my neck and across my collarbone. It doesn’t hurt anymore. I look younger. This isn’t recent.”

“It’s okay, baby,” she whispers. “We’re leaving soon to go on an adventure. Just me and you. Soon, I promise.”

The little girl looks up, brown eyes shining with tears, andTessa gasps, her smile quick and her hand reaching out to grip Logan’s. “I see her face. I can see her, she’s so pretty. Red hair and dark eyes, freckles deeper than mine.”

She’s talking to him now because he’s the one she wants to share this with and she needs to connect with him in order to process what she’s seeing. The heat on her face carves out streams across her skin as she stares at the child she couldn’t remember a moment ago. Still can’t.

“No, come back!” she yells, watching the girl shimmer and vanish into dust that coats Tessa’s palms. “She’s gone. No, I don’t wanna be here…”

Dread pools in her gut, her fingers curling hard around Logan’s hand.

“Where are you?” Victor asks.

“Home. I think, I dunno. I can’t see the house, I can’t see any of it. I know it’s here but I can’t reach it anymore…fuck…everything is black, it’s all dark, why can’t I see it? We’re just floating.”

“Is someone with you?”

“He is. We’re fighting. I’m telling him it’s his fault, and he’s angry. I don’t wanna be here. I can’t do this…”

“Tessa, listen to my voice. You’re safe. Nothing you see is real.”

“It is real. It happened.”

She’s traveled from the living room while he watches the game, to her daughter’s bedroom as she cries, to here in whatever alternate realm is supposed to resemble the house she once lived in, caught in a sudden struggle with the man who tried to kill her. She has no context for how or why it started, but her heart pounds hard and her breaths lodge in her throat, just like the hand that circles it.

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