Page 73 of Until You Found Me

“I think he hasn’t changed his mind.”

“You’d be right. How can he do this? It’s selfish.” She wants to take it back the moment she says it. Logan’s the least selfish person she knows.

“I don’t know much about what’s been going on since you were last here, but I do know that when Logan cares about someone, it’s deeply. If he’s refusing, it’s because he thinks he’s protecting you. Did I ever tell you about how we became friends?”

“No.”

“Went to the same park to play when we were both crawling around in the sandbox and eating crayons. But it wasn’t until elementary school that we noticed each other. Small town, most of the people here grew up together. So we’re in fifth grade, right around the age when kids get snotty, a little rude, testing their boundaries. We were painting something in art class and this terrible child, Byran, who loved to pick on me every chance he got bumped me so all my paint spilled. I cried. Just sat there and sobbed because that rotten kid had knocked all my books out of my arms that morning among various other displays over the weeks and I didn’t know how to make it stop. I had no friends. I felt alone. And then Logan dumps a whole jug of blue paint on Byran’s head and tells him that if he bothers me again, he’ll make sure he swallows the next jug. They both got detention for it, but Byron left me alone and Logan and I have been friends ever since.”

Tessa smiles, wiping away the tears she’s stopped trying to hide. “Sounds like him, coming to the rescue.”

“Always. That’s just who he is.”

“He’s been doing that for me since he found me. It’s my turn now.” She sniffles, her lips forming a thin downward line. “I can’t do any of this without him. I can’t. I’m the selfish one. I’d give him both kidneys if I had to because I can’t do any of this alone. Can we, I don’t know, tell him it’s from a random donor?”

“Sure. He’ll never notice. Totally doable.”

“Oh good.” She huffs. “Problem solved. I’ll lay down now and you can fish it out.”

Audrey pats her on the leg. “It’ll be okay. I need you to understand that he’s not in danger of dying at this verymoment. He could stay on dialysis three times a week for years if he has to. It’s not ideal, and it’s a difficult path to take, but it’s possible.”

“Three times a week for years?” she says sadly, imagining what it would be like for him to suffer another health challenge after a lifetime of chasing insulin. “Do you really think he’d do that?”

“If he had a reason to keep fighting, then yes, and I think he has a good reason.”

“But he’ll still need a donor, even after all that, right?”

“Yes. I was gonna ask him about Carley being an option, but that relationship is like gasoline on a fire. She hasn’t been back for years. They don’t talk. Figured it’s best to give it a little time before bringing that up.”

“It’s possible I could be a match?”

“It’s possible. Unrelated female to male donations are tricky, though, and there’s a lot of testing that needs to be done first. Most of which we can’t do here. I want you to be aware of that so you have realistic expectations, even if your blood type is compatible. That isn’t the only factor. It’s just step one.”

She nods. “Right, okay. Let’s get step one out of the way. Then I can worry about convincing him to take my perfectly useful kidney, or, you know, worry about the fact that I still can’t remember my last name. I’m guessing that’s required to give up an organ.”

“Eh, details, details.” Audrey smiles. “Go easy on him, okay? He’s had a hard go of it. If he wants to protect you, it’s because he loves you. He’ll come around. Go be with him. I’ll have the test results for this first round soon.”

She slips off the table, heads towards the door, then pauses before turning back. “Um, can we still have sex? I don’t meanright now. Obviously. Or here. Or even this week. I’m just asking if it’s safe while all this is happening or if it’s dangerous for him…if he should stay calm….I don’t wanna hurt…please stop me anytime.”

Audrey smirks. “Oh, I was gonna let you keep going as long as you wanted. And to answer that pressing question, yes, it’s okay. Be gentle. No backward seahorse, no Kama Sutra. Keep it vanilla. Have fun.”

It’s all spoken in the most clinical way, but Tessa spots the sparkle in Audrey’s eye and a subtle head shake as she leaves the room.

“No backward seahorse,” Tessa mutters. She supposes they can manage without that well enough.

She returns to his room with two cups of tea and two muffins, handing them over with a forced smile. “I remembered the tour you gave me last time.”

He clocks the band-aid on her inner arm, his face falling. “You got tested anyway.”

“It’s only a blood draw, Logan. For all we know, I’m not even a match. Isn’t it better to know?”

“No. Doesn’t matter either way.”

This could turn into another fight if they’re not careful. She can’t do anything yet, and rather than bicker about his refusal to entertain the rational option, she puts her tea down on the side table, kicks her shoes off, and crawls into the hospital bed alongside him. She should be toeing the line right now, but everything feels fragile, so close to being swept away that she doesn’t have it in her to waste a single second they have together. It’s only a testament to how much she trusts him that she dares to come closer while he’s angry.

She tucks herself against his side, her cheek nestled alonghis shoulder and nose tickling his collarbone where she can inhale the scent of him until she’s drunk on it. The stiffness in his body lasts longer than usual, but eventually, he sighs, wrapping his arms around her.

“Please don’t be mad at me,” she whispers sadly.

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