Page 78 of Until You Found Me

Her leg remains thrown over his hip, leaving her open to him. It was only an attempt to get closer but now that the waters have calmed and the waves aren’t quite so high, his thoughts stray to how badly he wants to feel every inch of her wrapped around him. Sex for comfort is still a foreign concept to him, but even if his brain is muddled, his body knows exactly what it wants. He’s hesitant to ask for more from her, feeling like all he does lately is take.

Instead of voicing it, he tests out a slight thrust to rub himself against her, gauging her reaction, ready to back off.

He’s granted a kiss in return, slow and tender, cupping his face while she hitches her leg higher on his hip in invitation.

Maybe it can be this simple. He nudges again, groaning at the flush of wetness coating his length and how she tilts her hips for him. She lets him enter her when he’s ready, doesn’t force it or chase him, but waits patiently until he initiates the first real thrust himself. When the tip finally applies pressure to her opening, he swallows a hitch in her breath with a kiss, letting their lips go slack millimeters apart as he works his way in.

She’s a snug fit every time, and he always thinks she won’t open for him at all until a firm push has her spreading apart. Before, he’d been frantic to be within her, fearing he wouldn’t last. He’s learning to trust himself a bit more now, learning that it’s okay to take his time and rushing isn’t required.

Joining together is a gradual process tonight. He rocks into her little by little until his name leaves her lips on the edge of a whine and her muscles tremble along the length of him.

The instant rush of safety he feels coats his emotions like a hit of heroin. No one can hurt him here, nothing can touch him but her.

She kisses the salt off his lips and muffles an ‘oh god’ against his mouth on the first long thrust. He’s doubted his ability to please her in the past, but the sounds she makes as he drags almost all the way out only to push in to the hilt has him feeling like there’s nothing he can’t give her.

The angle is a bit awkward, the position on their sides not the easiest, but he likes being able to kiss her and even more how her chest feels against his while he’s moving inside her lazy, wet, and slow. The urge to cover her is overwhelming though, and he’d follow the instinct and roll her onto her back if he wasn’t so damn weak from the last couple of days. She turns in his arms instead and for a moment he is bereft as the air cools his cock where her warmth should be. Instinct says he’s done something wrong, but she’s quick to push her ass to his groin, lifting a leg over his thigh in encouragement to pick up where they left off.

He guides himself into her in one slow thrust, earning a delicate moan of relief in return.

Active participation in sex is a new concept he still struggles with. He tries to cancel out his clumsy technique with effort, hoping that it’s enough. His thrusts stutter, the uncertainty of what to do with his hands clouding his mind. She allows him to figure it out until he’s rolling his hips just right. Until the depth is finally perfect, there’s a soft breast cupped in his palm, and he begins to feel like he knows what he’s doinginstead of guessing. That’s when his forehead nestles against the nape of her neck and he relaxes into a proper rhythm.

He’s still recovering from his ordeal, and doesn’t have a lot of strength left, but it’s simple here like this. Easy to reach down and slip his fingers between her legs to ghost the place where he moves in and out of her. A shiver runs up his spine when he finds where she’s throbbing hard enough to feel her pulse under the pads of his fingertips. She didn’t want to come until he was inside her again, that’s what she told him, and it takes little effort to get her there. A few careful strokes and her body shakes and curves, strong inner muscles squeezing him in massaging ripples.

It’s the sight of her in post-orgasmic bliss that has him following soon after. Any hope of keeping a regular cadence falls by the wayside and he devolves into desperate, jerking efforts, one leg wedging between both of hers so he can push deeper while the world fades into a series of white-hot sparks.

“Stay,” she says, relaxing her leg down again but pushing backward to keep him where he is. “Just stay with me.”

So, he does. He pulls the sheet up over them both and catches his breath while she draws shapes on his forearm.

This is the first time he’s lasted long enough to feel normal. That has him coasting a high until the aftershocks fizzle and he’s finally forced to slip free of her, the both of them rolling onto their backs as sunrise peeks through the curtains. In the afterglow of being with the woman he loves, it’s only clearer how much he has to lose and he remembers every damn thought that raced through his frazzled mind before she woke up.

“I’ve never gotten a diagnosis like this before,” he says quietly, breaking the silence while staring up at the ceiling,trying to offer an explanation she didn’t ask for. “I’ve always had diabetes. Never had to deal with finding out I had it. Dunno what the hell I’m doing now.”

“It’s okay to feel however you feel.”

“It won’t be like this all the time. I’ll get my shit together.” He’ll get it together for however long he has left and he won’t subject her to his emotional displays again. That much he’s certain of.

“Your shit is already together, Logan.” She turns on her side, tugging the sheet up with a shiver. “No one’s keeping score.”

“If it gets to be…you know, too much. Want you to tell me.”

“Too much?”

If you get tired of my whining and crying. If watching me have my blood sucked out and recycled three times a week becomes a boring drag. If you decide this isn’t what you signed up for.

“Any of it,” he says simply. “This isn’t the kinda life I want to give you.”

“I dunno. I seem to be doing just fine,” she says, her tone dripping in innuendo.

“You know what I mean. Always broke. Always sick. You deserve more than that. I wanna give you more than that. Not a clue when it’ll change for the better.”

He felt on top of the word a moment ago and now he rushes from elation to defeat in mere minutes. Can’t buy groceries without putting something back. He isn’t sure how he’ll keep the lights on. If he didn’t already own his shitty little trailer outright, he would be evicted soon. He wants to be the type of man who can offer her everything, but instead, he can offer her nothing except his heart.

“I deserve to be where I want, and where I want is here with you. Besides, there’s two of us now. I can get a job. I wasthinking of applying at the bakery in town once my situation is resolved.”

He sighs, only feeling worse for needing her or anyone to help support him.

“Stop assuming it’s all on you. I don’t want it to be,” she continues. “I don’t need anything but this. Us. You make me happy.”

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