Page 22 of Say You'll Stay

“It’s getting colder. We’re gonna have a whole new set of problems once winter really hits. Another week, maybe two and it’ll start snowing, and then—”

“Well, aren’t you a ball of sunshine tonight?” She cuts in.

“Sorry. I was hoping that the safe zone would be a warm place to stay and now it’s a no-go. Shoulda known it would be one of the first to get fucked. We already have one group out there to avoid like another plague. At least there’s still the fruit farm. Maybe.”

He’s not even trying to hide his stress, and she feels terrible that she’s piled on more of it by asking him to be an instant father out of the blue.

“We’ll be okay.” It’s an empty promise, but she makes it, anyway. “Just relax for now. You’ve been awake this whole time.”

He keeps telling her not to worry about him, but he’s not immune to the effects of sleep deprivation. Those dark circles under his eyes are prominent, and the relentless tapping of his foot comes from exhausted, jittery energy.

“Need to keep watch.”

“I’ll wake you up if anything happens. I’ll be awake with the baby, anyway. I’ll lock the door. You’ve got a gun. You can rest.”

He huffs out a heavy exhale, and lowers onto the sofa, punching the pillow, tossing and turning with restless energy.

“What did you do before all this?” she tries, offering him a distraction.

“Got any guesses?”

“No. You’re sort of a mystery.”

“I was in the army for a while. Me and Wade joined up together. I left before he did. After that, not a damn thing. Odd jobs here and there.”

“I didn’t do much either,” she admits. “But I had plenty of dreams. What did youwantto do?”

“I like to build things. Woodworking. Furniture and kitchen cabinets. Used to think I’d open up a shop one day and do custom work. I carved out a whole owl for someone once, as big as your head. Not much market for that anymore.”

She hadn’t pictured him as a creative type, but somehow, it fits. He’s reserved at best, and carpentry is a job that can be done alone. She imagines him in a sunlit workshop carving animals out of hunks of wood or piecing together coffee tables, and she smiles.

His frown is quick, as if she’s making fun. “What?”

“Nothing, just thinking about that owl. I would have loved to see it. I bet it was beautiful.” She pauses, gathering the courage to ask something she should have already.

“Is there…anyone else out there you’d like to see again, other than your friend? A girlfriend?”

“For someone that wanted me to sleep, you got an awful lotta questions.”

“I’m trying to get to know you, that’s all.”

“Having second thoughts about your tour guide?” Cole replies with an even stare.

“No. Not even a little bit.”

“There’s not much to know. No one else out there. I’ve never been the dating type. All that online shit before the world crashed was a hassle, anyway. Didn’t even bother. I’ve got no regrets, so don’t go giving me one of those faces.”

“What faces?”

He fluffs the pillow again, smacking it with a fist to flatten it before leaning back. “You know the face. The one people use when you say you’re alone. The pity face. It’s bullshit.”

“I wasn’t about to give you the pity face. After what I’ve been through with…him, I have no doubt that being alone is far better than being in a bad relationship. All those years he was hurting me, I would have given anything to be alone. Anything.”

Despite it being on the tip of her tongue, she doesn’t say that Cole doesn’t have to be alone anymore. He has her and Lucy now. They could make it through this world together without a looming endpoint, but he might take it wrong and assume that she’s making a move or flirting. He seems to need a friend as badly as she’s longed for one, and even if they’reonly ever that, it could be a welcome relief from what they’ve both known.

“You’re not now, though.” He tilts his head toward the baby. “Alone. You have her and she’s lucky to have you.”

“I don’t know. I spend pretty much every waking moment worrying I won’t be enough. That I can’t keep her safe. Before, I worried I couldn’t save her from him. Now, it’s everything else.”

---