Page 42 of Say You'll Stay

She follows instructions and they repeat the motions three more times, but on the final attempt, he doesn’t let go. She tries again, confusion flaring clear across her face when he doesn’t budge and that’s when everything they worked on goes out the window and she panics. That ghost left for dead on the subway floor manifests between them, prompting fear in her eyes.

“You’re safe. We’re just practicing. Think about your next move,” he says quickly, but it has little effect.

It isn’t about him, he tells himself, as she struggles to get away. The flight part of her brain took over, and that’s exactly what’ll happen when it counts. She can’t be out there alone and default to flailing if she wants to stay alive.

“Cole?” The hint of betrayal in her voice and those rapid, harsh exhales on his collarbone cut him deep.

“I’m not gonna hurt you.You know that.You know it. Think. Stop reacting and think about what we just did. Use the airplane arms to get me off you. Really use it.”

He almost lets her go, fearing she’ll suffer more than she’ll benefit, but then she clips his chin with the heel of her hand and escapes. She shoves him and he stumbles back a step, watching anger blaze in those eyes that only held affection for him before he went and did something stupid.

He was trying to make sure she could use this if she needed to, but she isn’t that far removed from what haunts her nightmares and here he is, grabbing her like that piece of shit probably did more than once.

She searches his face, looking for any sign that trusting himwas the wrong choice, while he scrambles for a lifeline.

“I should’ve warned you I was gonna do that,” he dips his head, looking away, far more guilty than he needs to be.

Silence hangs heavy, then her doubt gives way to determination.

“This world won’t warn me. It’ll come at me ten times worse and it won’t care if I’m afraid or hurting or flashing back on old memories. What good is all this if I panic and forget? What if I need to protect Lucy and I can’t? Let’s do it again.”

He doesn’t ask if she’s sure and she doesn’t hesitate this time. With each repetition, the movements become smoother and easier, and the trembling in her frame gradually fades.

“Good. Better,” he grunts in approval.

“Again?”

“We’ll come back to it tomorrow, then do a few other things, too.”

She agrees with a nod, lowering to the sofa with a hard exhale. “I used to watch videos on self-defense, thinking one day I’d save myself, but I never did. I’d freeze and forget everything.”

“That’s why we do it over and over again until it comes natural.”

“What if it doesn’t work? What if whoever has me is too strong?”

“Then do whatever you need to get away. Grab a handful of dirt and throw it in their face. Aim for the balls and the nose. That’ll take someone down real fast. Fight dirty.”

“You learned how to fight in the army?”

“Wade taught me first. Started early and didn’t let up until I could kick his ass, not that he’d ever admit that happened.”

“You think he’ll head for that farm on his own?”

“That’s what I’m hoping. He knew the plan, so maybe we get there and he’s already waiting. I gotta believe that. Don’t think you’d like him. He’s a jerk. He’ll give you a hard time.”

She raises a brow. “I can take someone giving me a hard time.”

“He’ll try to get you in bed every chance he can and he won’t let up.”

She frowns. “Is he dangerous? Do I need to worry?”

“No, no, it’s not like that. He’s just always been the one with a line of women around the corner and he won’t let the end of the world change that. He’ll try to steal you aw—” He trails off, face burning red and his tongue tied.

‘He’ll try to steal you away.’He almost said, as if she’s his to begin with.

“I’m sorry I shoved you,” she says suddenly, throwing him a life raft, so he doesn’t drown after that slip. “That wasn’t part of the lesson.”

“It’s alright.”

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