Page 52 of Say You'll Stay

She can’t have sex yet, anyway. She isn’t fully healed from labor no matter how badly she wants Cole. Then there’s the pesky detail of his feelings about her being up for debate.

“Technically, it’s a very late dinner,” she replies.

They slept all day. Now, moonlight casts a soft glow on Lucy, squeaking from her bassinet.

“Look who’s awake.” He leans over Olivia’s body to scoop up the baby and hand her to her mother. “In a good mood today, too, aren’t you?”

“She slept well. Those diapers make a big difference. She’s not waking herself up because she’s soaked anymore.”

Lucy shoves a hand in her mouth, perfectly content after so many days of constant crying.

“Let’s get some food and take her outside? It’s cold, but we could use the fresh air.”

Lucy’s been inside for days, so Olivia has too. They’re both more than ready to leave the confines of this house, even for a little while. “Alright. Lemme feed her first to keep her happy and then it’s a date.”

She fights the urge to take back her statement now that it could mean something more than another pointless flirt.

He dips his head, his voice soft. “It’s a date.”

* * *

She stops at the bathroom with Lucy to clean up before meeting Cole outside. With no windows to let the glow through, she puts a wiggling baby on the counter and lights acandle.

Olivia’s still critical of herself, only finding a few improvements, but they’re noticeable this time. She shouldn’t base her worth on what anyone else thinks of her. It’s a common-sense concept she’s always grasped theoretically but has trouble applying.

Cole’s seen value in her and that’s made it easier to see it in herself.

Only a bump remains where Lucy was. The stress of their overall situation has done a fast job of helping her transform back into how she looked before carrying a baby. Her cheeks have filled out and her arms have, too. She’s caught him staring at her collarbones when he thinks she’s not looking, and her gaze shifts to the curve and dip that captivates him. Traces the outline with her fingertip before skipping up to brush her lower lip, wondering when or if he might kiss her.

She’s never thought herself attractive. Wild hair and sad eyes. Stress lines that crease her skin the slightest bit. That’s what she’s conditioned to see, but Cole sees something better and she can’t help but let those smitten butterflies sing a new tune in her chest.

“What do you think, little one? Want to go outside and see the stars?” she says softly, picking up the living proof that there must be something beautiful about her if she was able to create Lucy.

That brand new, happy feeling is back, and she embraces it in desperation to feel something good.

When she finds him again, he’s got two cups of oatmeal ready next to mugs of tea on the back deck, with his gaze on the lake ahead. Domesticity comes easy for him and that’s got to be one of the most unexpected qualities he’s shocked herwith.

The dancing flurries of snowflakes in the night air are even more shocking.

She joins him at the picnic table, laying the baby flat on her thighs while they eat. “I wasn’t expecting snow this soon.”

“Me either. The lake is already frozen over. Gonna be even colder once we start heading higher up into the mountains. We need better gear.”

“Do you think it’s still worth it to go up now instead of waiting for spring? I know winter is long but—”

“It’s only getting worse down here, you know that. Too many people left, too many rotters. If we stay, we won’t keep getting lucky.”

She nods, knowing he’s right but fearing their ability to keep Lucy warm in the frigid cold of high elevation.

“Hey.” His foot nudges hers. “There are wood stoves at the farm. Plenty of firewood in the forest. I wouldn’t take you somewhere if I didn’t think it was the best option. Can’t promise it’ll be easy getting there, but once we are, it’ll be worth it.”

“Okay. I trust you.”

Her reply comes easy and quick, much like the hesitant smile on his face, brighter than the half ones he often forces out. She does trust him and isn’t that such a wild concept when only weeks ago, trusting anyone felt impossible.

“But you know…no pressure, right?” he jokes.

She rolls her eyes with a shake of her head. “That trust is turning paper thin. Keep it up.”

---