Page 56 of Say You'll Stay

Learning to swim didn’t help overcome his fear. If anything, it made it worse. He is grateful now, though, that he was never allowed to quit, because Olivia’s life depends on his ability to dive deep into frigid waters. Beneath him, the sight of rotters sinking to the bottom appear as fuzzy shapes. They’re all still moving like nothing is amiss, haphazardly roaming the lake floor. As Cole spins, his breath running out, he frantically looks for Olivia, spotting her long hair falling into the abyss.

He rushes toward her, grabbing her limp, upstretched hand and giving it a tug only to meet resistance. She’s far heavier than she should be and panic overwhelms him. He can’t breathe. He can’t stay under. He’ll have to go back up and try again soon if he has any hope of saving her, but letting go isn’t something he’s willing to do either. Then he spots therotter attached to her ankle like a ball and chain and stabs it through the eyeball. Suddenly, they’re both rocketing toward the surface.

His gasp of breath breaks into the cold night air, but she doesn’t move in his arms, or try to pull herself onto the ice. He’s too late. He waited too long. He wasted time fighting his fears before diving in after her and now he’s lost her for good. With hot tears streaming through his frozen cheeks, he hauls her halfway onto the ice, pulls himself up, and then drags her away from the edge.

Practical application of what he learned in the service takes over even while his mind is crumbling. His mouth covers hers, breathing air into her lungs, and he pumps both hands against her chest, trying to will her heart to beat again. “Come on, wake up. Lucy needs you. You can’t leave her.”

There is no response, but he won’t quit until she turns and tries to eat his face. He’ll keep going until she forces him to stop.

“Fuck, fuck. I’m sorry, I’m so damn sorry,” he chokes out between forced heartbeats, leaning down to puff against her mouth again. “I need you. I need you, too.”

She is gone and in that moment he would trade anything to have her back. He tries to bargain with a God he doesn’t believe in, offering ridiculous, pointless things in trade for her life. It’s unsurprising that his prayers go unanswered. His tears wet her face in heavy droplets, and his efforts become frantic. Fear of her dying outweighs his worry that he might break her ribs during CPR.

He can’t do any of this alone after knowing what it’s like to do it all with her.

The seventh time he leans down to breathe into her lungs,he is met with a face full of lake water as she coughs up what she swallowed.

He turns her onto her side, whispering soothing nonsense she likely isn’t processing, as she expels half the lake. His first instinct is to pull her into his arms and hold her tight because he almost lost someone he didn’t fully understand how badly he needed, but then he remembers they’re sitting on unstable ice and one wrong move could land them back in the water.

Cole wraps an arm around her and lifts, holding the baby carrier with the other hand that contains both Lucy and Flower. “Come on, we gotta move! The ice is too thin!”

He drags her, coughing up water with each step, towards the shore. Adrenaline pushes him forward when his body starts to fail. His numb feet stumble in the snow while frozen breath hangs in the air and cold, wet material clings to his skin. They’re out of the water, but not out of the woods yet. Without a place to warm up and change, they may not survive much longer before hypothermia sets in. Frostbite is already trying its best to take his fingers and nose.

There are no structures in sight or cars to warm up in.

Thomas’s gas station comes into view right when he’s certain he can’t feel his feet anymore. He fears that Olivia, heavy on his arm, could pass out and pauses to shake her. “Hey, hey, stay awake. We’re almost there. Talk to me.”

“Cole?” Her voice is confused and graveled like sandpaper.

“Yeah, I’m here. We’re okay, everyone’s okay.”

“The baby?”

“She’s fine, just fine.” He props her against the gas station window before using his elbow to bust open the glass above the door lock, granting them entry.

The store is empty, and he forces them to the back room.Boxes of files litter the floor and a small, tattered sofa lines the wall. He deposits Olivia onto the cushions and starts stripping her clothes off her body without a second thought. His only goal is to get her warm again.

She flinches away from his touch and he remembers what happened in that house before the herd saved them.

“Look at me,” he says softly, keeping the panic out of his voice as best he can, letting it go soft and careful, as if she may bolt. “You’ll get hypothermia if we don’t get these clothes off. I will too. Let me help you, sweetheart. It’s just me and you here. You can trust me, you know that, right?”

He’s asking a woman who was just assaulted to cuddle naked with him under a blanket, and she has every right to be wary. So much has happened in the space of an hour that it could grow into a chasm between them if they aren’t careful. He fears that it’s already begun. What will he do if she tells him no? He can’t let her freeze to death on this sofa.

She could hold the cat against her instead. It’s small, and currently curled around Lucy, keeping the baby quiet and content, but better than nothing.

There are two thick blankets in the room. She could have them both and maybe it would be enough even without his body heat.

He’ll recover without them. She was in that ice bath far longer.

Her eyes, though glazed, flicker with recognition, followed by a nod. His relief at her agreement is only matched by the moment he rescued her from the water. While helping her take off her shirt and pants, he narrates each step to calm her, unsure if it’s actually helping or not.

“Keep your underwear, but the tank needs to come off,okay?” He grips the hem of the only barrier left between her skin and the cold air.

Shivering, she nods and lifts her arms for him to remove the semi-frozen fabric, quickly covering her breasts.

He wraps her in the first blanket like a burrito, tucking in all the edges, before stripping down himself. He isn’t a fan of anyone seeing him either, but she’s already laid eyes on his back before and this isn’t the time to be shy. He keeps his boxers even though they’re freezing his dick into a popsicle and then tucks in under the same blanket as Olivia. Pulls the second blanket over them both and hopes they’ll catch a break this once.

She doesn’t feel cold at all when he tugs her against his chest to merge their body heat, and that’s when he realizes just how fucked they are.

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