Page 68 of Say You'll Stay

Her hormones are supposed to be too fucked to want this. That’s what Olivia heard stuck in that bathroom stall, but the moment they get back to their room and put the baby down for a nap, she decides to hell with what she’ssupposedto feel.

She wants him. Wants this. Doesn’t care if it’s abnormal to be so ready this soon after having Lucy. Her body already vibrates for Cole nearly twenty-four-seven. Kissing her in the middle of the street, as if she were the last woman on earth, only intensified her cravings.

No one’s ever made her feel this wanted. He has perfect timing considering those awful women had her doubting everything she knew to be true. They aren’t worth her tears or her stress, only jealous of what she has, but their words took root anyway until he chased them off with an overt gesture exactly when she needed it most.

Despite her desire to push her boundaries, a lingering worry remains that she’s moving too fast. The high of a first kiss still sings in her veins. They’ve danced around each other for what feels like an eternity, though, and that kiss was the breaking point.

With the soft glow of sun filtering through white curtains, floating dust becomes fireflies. Her arousal is high, her bodywarm, and Cole is watching her from across the room. There’s a new shimmer in his expression smoothing out that scowl he was born with and those worry lines etched into his skin. He looks softer than she’s ever seen him, gazing at her like she’s some sort of gift, and she holds out a hand to encourage him closer.

‘You’re not a tease, you’re not a tease,’she silently tells herself, willing her ex-husband’s voice away, as Cole stops in front of her. The breadth of his wide shoulders frame her outline and his palm cups her cheek. He already knows they can’t have sex yet. It’s okay to straddle that line and get as close as they can without crossing over.

The idea of seeking her own pleasure is unheard of. Intimacy has never been about her. She knows how to make a man see stars, but being on the receiving end is brand new. She believed herself too defeated to consider her desires, yet Cole stirred something dormant within her, leading to a surge of courage as she wraps her hand around the back of his neck and pulls his lips to hers. It’s no less perfect the second time. Her nerves shiver and a sharp inhale sucks into her lungs he tugs her flush against him, his mouth moving slow and sweet.

Careful fingers dance up her ribs as he rolls his forehead against hers. “Tell me what you want.”

She shows him instead, dragging his hand down to the button on her pants.

With his lips heating the curve of her neck, they are swiftly pulled down her legs, leaving only her underwear hugging her hips.

Something in her twitches in the worst way and her gut drops. A flash of the cottage flares in her memory before sheer stubbornness pushesit back down.

First contact with intent is clumsy but enthusiastic. For a moment, she nearly purrs as he strokes the wet fabric between her legs and nips at her lower lip. This attention she’s been starved for has her gasping and responsive to the slightest touch. Her nails scrape against the back of his neck before she’s urged down onto the bed. She scoots up against the pillows and widens her thighs so he can fit his body between them.

Cole still has all his clothes on, and she groans, working his belt free and using one foot to help push his pants over his ass.

He chuckles into her mouth, sitting up to remove his pants himself, the length of him tenting his boxers impressively. He covers her once more, carefully touching her with the tips of his fingers as if she might shatter. His cock never comes near where she wants it, but his hand dips below the fabric of her underwear as he nuzzles her pulse point.

All at once, she freezes.

The skin-on-skin contact is too similar to that unwanted touch in the cottage where she’d been on her back like this and had someone else’s hand between her legs.

She doesn’t have to tell Cole to stop. When she quits participating he leans back, the concern in his eyes breaking her heart and making her hate herself at the same time. “What is it? You okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“I’m sorry.” It is a habitual response formed long ago in the presence of another man. She falls back on it now without a second thought. “I’m so sorry.”

She is crying already and can’t stop the flow down her cheeks. When he moves off her, she covers her face with her hands and rolls onto her side to curl into herself.

“It’s okay.” He runs a careful touch over her shoulder, histhumb waving back and forth. “Just talk to me. Tell me what’s happening.”

“I thought I could. I thought I was fine, but then I was back in that cottage, and when I said…”

Olivia trails off, refusing to turn over and face him.

“When you said what?”

“When I said they didn’t do anything, that wasn’t true. One of them touched me.” She makes a frustrated noise in the back of her throat and finally flips over, her heart racing. “And you know what’s crazy? What the stupidest part of this is? That’s not even the worst that’s ever happened to me. Not the worst thing a man has done. So why am I letting it ruin this?”

“It only just happened. It’s too soon. I’m the one that’s sorry. You haven’t ruined anything.”

It feels like she has. Her face crumbles and she wills herself not to make it worse and cry even harder.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” he soothes. “Lemme lay down with you?”

She nods quickly, wanting to feel him closer while fearing he’ll run. It’s only a relief when he wraps her up against his chest, tucking her in close, her head under his chin and the blanket tossed over them both. He deserves one of those other women that’ll let him fuck hard and fast, she thinks. The ones in the bathroom gushing over him. Yet here he is, consoling her instead, and a part of her is shattered by that while loving him even more for it.

Through all of this, her desire for him still simmers beneath the surface of her trauma, and her brain struggles to find satisfaction in any form.

“I still want you,” she breathes against his collarbone.

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