Page 88 of Say You'll Stay

Lucy’s eyes begin to water again as guilt spreads thickly across her face. “I was so awful to him. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know. You should go talk to him. Tell him that.”

“What if he won’t forgive me? What if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore now?” Lucy sobs.

She has always been so close to Cole. The sun rises and sets on him as far as she’s concerned. It has since the very beginning. To see her so worried that she’s broken that trust with a single, flippant angry comment is as ridiculous as it is heartbreaking.

“He’s loved you from the very first day you were born. When he wrapped you up—”

“In his spare shirt,” Lucy says softly, having heard this story before.

They never kept that truth from her. She had a right to know how they all came together, even if it meant admitting that Cole wasn’t related biologically. Early on, she accepted that a family can be chosen.

“He’s been the best father you could ask for right from the start, and he’ll forgive you anything. That’s why you have to be careful not to take advantage. Me and you, we could so easily break his heart, and he’d take it because he lovesus so much. Don’t use that against him, okay? We made a mistake in not telling you sooner. But you made a mistake this time, too. You can still fix it. Go talk to him. It’ll be okay.”

This is the first real outburst Lucy has ever had. She’s mild-mannered and easygoing. Doesn’t fuss or fight, rarely ever talks back. She’s more upset with herself than Cole could ever be with her, but it’s still up to her to put the pieces back together again.

He’s out back chopping wood when they find him. Has gone through several stacks already and Olivia leans against the door frame, watching the two people she loves most.

He’s instantly hopeful at the sight of Lucy coming toward him, so eager to forgive and forget if it means she won’t be angry with him anymore.

Olivia didn’t realize she was holding her breath until Lucy finally speaks.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said,” she half sobs, on a hitching breath.

“I know.”

“I’m so sorry, dad. I was just so confused and hurt and I didn’t understand and… I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Come’re. Come on, sweetheart.” He pulls her in and she clings to him, exhaling a few strangled breaths into his chest while he holds her tight. “We say things we don’t mean sometimes when we’re mad. It’s okay. Don’t cry. It’s alright.”

“I love you.”

“I know you do, kitten. Never thought you stopped. Love you, too. I’m sorry we let you find out about this the way you did. Just wanted to keep you safe.”

Lucy nods, turning slightly to find Olivia in the doorway. “Mom told me what happened. That someone tried to stealme a long time ago.”

“One of the worst days of my whole life. Wasn’t ever gonna let that happen again.”

“I know why you didn’t say anything. You can trust me now, though. I’ll keep it a secret.”

Sometimes it’s easy to look at Lucy and see her on her way to becoming an adult. So rational and clear-headed, capable and self-sufficient because they raised her to be, but at the moment, all Olivia can see is her baby crying in her father’s arms.

Just yesterday, they were carrying her in a sling through a newly ruined world.

“Get in on this group hug,” Cole holds out a free arm until Olivia makes her way out to the woodpile and tucks in beside him.

It’s not until a few days later, when they’ve got a small fire going on a chilly evening, that Lucy quietly brings it up again.

“Do you think there are others out there like me?” she says.

“Maybe,” Cole agrees.

“Can I…could we…ever go find them? Someday? Not right now. I know I can’t tell anyone. I know it’s dangerous. But maybe eventually?”

There could be a whole new generation out there resistant to the virus and much as Olivia wants to ignore that and keep her baby on this farm forever, that might not be the best option.

She may never have a full life here.

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