Before I could change my mind, I opened the door and ran down the hall.
“Shawan! Wait!”
She was still waiting for the elevator. “What is it?”
I grinned, hopeful. “Can you give me a ride?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
With Shawan’s suggestion, I took a few minutes to clean up. It had been a while since I’d done the bare minimum of personal hygiene, after all. From the time it took me to shower, brush my teeth, apply deodorant, and change my clothes, Shawan had tidied my apartment. She couldn’t turn off her motherly ways, and I have to say, I didn’t mind that her instincts applied to my space, as well. It was her love language.
Besides, my apartment needed a bit of attention.
Shawan, I was surprised to see, didn’t drive a basic old Corolla as I’d expected, but a Mini Cooper. A fancy one!
“You drive stick, too?” I commented, climbing in and clicking my seatbelt.
“Who do you think taught Jagdev to drive?” She threw the little hatchback into gear and launched us out into traffic.
The car ride was a bit tense on my end. Shawan seemed perfectly at ease, dodging in and out of traffic a little more aggressive than I thought was necessary, but far be it for me to tell someone how to drive. My internal stress wasn’t only about her speeding, but about what I was about to do.
We pulled up to the mansion, which looked empty compared to how it was the last time I’d seen it. The tents, the lines of cars, the hordes of people, and the decorations were all gone as if the engagement party had never happened.
Shawan led me into the silent house, the huge door closing behind us and echoing throughout the empty corridors. I eyed the wall where Kyle had punched, but it was already patched and waiting for paint.
She gestured for me to follow and led me up the stairs, each increase in elevation transferring directly to my heart rate. I hesitated in the hall as she knocked gently on the door to her son’s room.
“Jagdev? Are you decent? May I come in?” She cooed before cracking the door open a hair. Then, she nodded and held the door open for me to enter.
It felt awfully intrusive. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was walking in to, or what I was going to say when I got in there, but I certainly couldn’t back out now. Shawan’s encouraging smile beckoned me forward. I peeked into the doorway, the room darkened by heavy curtains and smelling slightly of booze, which was strange considering Dev didn’t drink.
A wave of nausea rose in my throat, wondering if Sonja had stayed in here, and I sniffed the air for a hint of her vanilla perfume.
Apparently losing her patience, Shawan pushed me through the doorway and clicked it shut behind me. A few weeks ago, this woman had been aghast finding Dev I alone in his room together, and now she was encouraging it.
“Rebecca?” a groggy voice mumbled from his bed.
I inched forward. “Dev?”
He sat up slowly, his thick hair mussed and curled from sleep. My heart ached seeing him, wanting to both curl up next to him and run in the other direction. I held on tight to what Shawan had told me, hoping she was right.
“Hang on, let me put on some pants,” he said as he stood, his tight black boxer briefs not leaving anything to the imagination. He pulled on some loose grey sweatpants, which only made him sexier. Dark hair trailed from his chest down past his belly button, framed on either side by the suggestive V shape his abdominal muscles—
Focus, Rebecca.
“Can I sit?” I asked.
Dev patted the bed beside him. I sat on the edge of his mattress, inches away from him.
I took a steadying breath and began. “I’m sorry for how I left things the other day. And for not answering your calls. Or your texts. I needed to think about some things.”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and clasped his hands.
I continued. “There are so many things about us being together that scare me. I’m scared we’re rushing into a marriage without knowing each other well enough, or taking the time to live together first. I mean, what if we hate living together? What if you can’t stand the way I leave my clothes lying around, or the sound of you eating cereal in the morning drives me crazy after two weeks?”
Dev smiled and looked up at me, but didn’t say anything.
“I’m scared about a wedding ceremony I still don’t completely understand, held in a language I don’t speak, and being surrounded by people I’ve never met or only did a few days ago. It’s so far from how I imagined my wedding, my life, but I was willing to look past that— for you. I’m scared of living with your family. I really don’t want to. I’ve been on my own for so long, in my own space, the thought of living with a big group of people scares the shit out of me. I mean, I was just getting used to the idea of living withyou. As much as I love you, as much as I love us, I don’t know if I can be happy like that.”