Page 90 of Not Your Basic Love Story

Dev was about to interject, but I kept going.

“But mostly, I’m scared I’m not the right person for you. Sonja, she’s so perfect. Everything about her. She is everything you want. She can fit perfectly into the mould for the life you’d envisioned. I’m scared you’re trying to fit me into a place where she was meant to be. I’m scared you’re supposed to be with her, and I’m supposed to be alone. And... I’m scared of being hurt again. You didn’t tell me you worked with Sonja, that you saw her every day. You know what Graham did to me, how he cheated on me with someone he worked with. How am I supposed to trust you if you don’t talk to me?”

“It didn’t seem important at the time,” he mumbled. “But that’s a poor excuse. I should have told you. I can see why you’re upset.”

“I haven’t been completely honest with you, either,” I said, swallowing. “I lied to you. A few weeks ago, I told you I was going to work out with Miranda. I met with Graham for coffee.”

Dev got up from his place beside me and walked across the room, his hands on his hips. I stayed seated; shoulders slumped.

“He had messaged me. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Was it just coffee?” He asked, turning, pain in his eyes.

I nodded emphatically. “I promise, it was just coffee. Honestly, I didn’t even drink it.”

“Why?”

His question wasn’t one why, but multiple, and it was the same question I had asked myself at the time and every time I remembered my coffeerendezvouswith Grahamsince.

I swallowed, my voice thick. “I was having second thoughts about us. About our future together. I thought seeing him would bring me some peace about what he did to me. Some closure. I thought it would make me feel better.”

“Did it?”

I choked on a sob. “No.”

Dev walked back over and sat next to me again, his body tense as his mind worked through what I’d told him.

I kept talking. “Even if you decide to be with Sonja, I won’t go back to Graham. I’d rather be alone the rest of my life than be with him, after knowing how good it was to be with you. But I want you to be with her, with Sonja, to be with whoever makes you happiest. Because I love you.”

I sniffed and wiped a tear from my cheek. Dev reached across and set his hand in mine, threading our fingers together.

“Can I say something now?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Sonja… she’s a nice girl. She’s a good friend. And you know what? If I married her, I’d probably find some happiness there, in time. We tried to be a couple, remember? Our families kept pushing us together, so, you know, why not try it? It just… didn’t feel right. I don’t see her that way. She’s always been a friend. It was the same with her. We didn’t connect. There was no spark, no fireworks. We separated amicably after trying to date for a few months. But if we were to get married? We would have made it work. We’d eventually find our way of love, of companionship. But that’s not what I want. Not after being with you, of feeling what it means to truly, completely love someone, and be loved back in the same way.”

Dev inched closer until our thighs were touching.

“Rebecca. Our marriage wasn’t meant to be all about me. I’m sorry if it felt that way. If you want to elope, I’ll do it. If you want to live in a one-bedroom apartment for the rest of our lives, I’ll do it. Being with you is the only thing that makes sense to me anymore. Without you, my whole world falls apart. I love you. I want to be with you. But I need to know, what is ityouwant? Because I’m only happy when you’re happy.”

I looked up at him, into those incredibly sweet brown eyes, wet with tears. “Does mean you still want to marry me?”

“I’ll get on a plane with you today and fly down to Vegas and get married by Elvis if it would make you happy.”

I laughed.

“We can elope in the redwood forests of California, the way you pictured it, if it means I get to spend the rest of my life with you.”

He kissed my forehead, and I rested against his lips, my soul warming at his touch, aching to never part from him again.

“I don’t want that, Dev. But can we meet halfway on a few other things?”

Dev inched away to look into my eyes, listening with his whole body.

I exhaled. “I still don’t want to live with your family. Maybe when your parents are old and need the help. But while they’re young? I justwant it to be us, in our space, with our kids. We don’t have to live in Vancouver, but I just need it to be us.”

“Part of being with the family isbeingwiththe family. While I’m in school, we will have two years of us alone in Vancouver, but after that… they need me here. In my culture, a son always stays with the family to take care of them and continue the legacy. I’m their only son. If I’m not with them, I don’t know how my family will be able to move forward. If I leave, it will cause a rift, and... I don’t think we’ll be able to move past it.” His voice was strained, wrestling with reality.

---