Page 103 of Holly Jolly July

You can?

ANNIE

Yeah. You seem lighter. Brighter. More

carefree. I even caught you smiling once.

James smiles.

ANNIE

See? There it is.

JAMES

I’m not sure if that’s from the Christmas

spirit.

Annie and James lean toward each other again, but James recognizes what’s happening and steps back.

JAMES

I’ll see you in the morning for your

coffee. Sweet dreams.

Chapter 18

Mariah

I stop kissing Ellie, freezing partway down her neck. Ellie pulls away, looking into my eyes, her own expression shifting when she picks up on my confusion.

“What?” she asks, a small, worried smile on her lips.

I lift myself up on my elbows, forcing her off me. “Did you just say I was your first time?”

“Yeah. I never even kissed a girl before you.”

“Wh-what?”

“I mean I’ve thought about kissing girls before, but never really made it past that point in my head. I didn’t think I was bisexual. I thought,yeah, women are pretty, but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure. I’ve been curious, but aren’t we all curious? It wasn’t until now when I was with you that I was like,okay yes, this is great, that I was like,yep, I’m bi.I’ve just only ever been with men and—”

I interrupt her rambling by slicing my hand through the air. “You never even thought you were bi before this?”

She smiles and shakes her head. “Nope.”

“But you—” I lower my voice a bit “—you certainly knew what you were doing down there.”

Ellie presses a hand to her chest. “Why, thank you. I don’t think that was me, though, I mean, you practically told me what to do with your sounds and movements and I just followed your lead, and honestly I didn’t even really have to think about it, I was in the moment with you and it all sort of happened and it wasn’t like I planned it but I do admit I thought about being with you before, and—”

I interrupt her again, the only way to get a word in edgewise. “You thought about me?”

She hesitates, a blush creeping up her neck. “Yeah. I mean...” She lowers her gaze, biting her lip. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable here, though. You don’t have anywhere else to go.”

My heart stammers in my chest. I caress her cheek with my thumb, stroking the warm, flushed skin, and swallow back a wave of conflicting emotions. Not wanting her to see me fighting with them, I wrap my arms around her and pull her back onto me. Her slight build and moderate weight make for the perfect anxiety blanket, calming my nerves as my brain runs ragged from one idea to the other, back and forth across my brain like a puppy with the zoomies.

I promised myself I’d never be here again. After what happened with Jess, I wouldn’t be someone’s curiosity experiment. Even though cosmetology school was six years ago, it still hurts as if the wound is still fresh and bleeding; first loves can be like that.

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