Page 151 of Holly Jolly July

Someone clears their throat behind me and I startle, turning toward the sound.

The lights block my view and I lift a hand to shield my eyes from the intensity. Mariah steps onto the set, revealing herself inch by inch, catching my breath in my throat.

After everything we’ve been through together, with everything she means to me, I want to take her in my arms and kiss her. But I don’t. Soon everything we are, everything we could have been, will fade from lovers, to friends, to acquaintances, and then we’ll be mere footnotes in each other’s memories.

Despite my whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, all the things I want to tell her, all the things I want to express, all I can say is, “Hi.”

Mariah’s throat works, her lips twitch, and she returns my quiet hi with one of her own. She takes another step closer. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth earlier.”

I’m not entirely sure what she’s talking about, so I stay still and silent while she gathers her thoughts.

Mariah takes a slow breath. “You weren’t my first girlfriend.”

I sigh in relief and can’t help but smile. “No offence, but I assumed I wasn’t.”

She smiles, too, then continues. “My experience with my first girlfriend made me nervous about you, and I’ve been holding back how I really feel because I’ve been scared.”

How she really feels?My heart stammers in my chest. “Scared of what?”

“Scared of... pushing you away.”

Herpushingmeaway? “What do you mean?”

“We met in cosmetology school, after I moved out. I was myself for the first time in a long time, and it was all so new. I was excited to have the life I’d always dreamed of. That’s when I met her. Jess was my best friend... and my first love.” Each word becomes laboured, like she’s digging them up from a hole in her mind where she long ago buried them. “She was everything to me. I gave her my whole heart. I would have done anything for her. But she didn’t know who she was, and I was only an experiment to her. One night I took things too far, and I lost my best friend and my lover all in one moment.”

“That must have been so hard.”

“Because of her, I thought if I told you how I felt, or if I asked for more, you’d turn me down and run away and that would be it.”

I take a moment to process what she told me while weighing my words. “Thank you for telling me. I don’t think you were being dishonest, you were being careful. And I respect that.” Mariah was brave for me. I can be brave for her. I swallow, steeling my resolve. “And I want you to know, this hasn’t been some experiment for me. You were... are... everything to me.”

“I am?”

Even if this is all we were ever meant to be, Mariah needs to know how much it meant. I won’t leave anything left unsaid. No regrets. “I know you’re leaving, and there’s nothing I could do or say to make you stay. Even if there was a magic word to keep you here so we could be together, I wouldn’t say it. I want you to have everything you could possibly want out of life. I want you to make your wildest dreams come true. I want you to push yourself to the limits of what you thought was possible, and then I want you to go further. Because I know you can. You are capable of so many great things, and I’m so excited to have known you, even for this tiny blip in time.”

We’re inches apart now, and I can see all the sadness reflected in her beautiful eyes as her bottom lip trembles.

I thread my fingers through hers. “But I don’t want to leave without telling you how important you are to me. I know it’s only been two weeks, but it feels like it’s been both seconds and centuries.”

Mariah bites her lip, then nods subtly. “All the time in the world, and yet not enough time at all.”

“Exactly.” I sigh, relieved that she understands what I’m trying to convey.

“I feel the same way.” She inhales slowly, steeling herself.“And that’s why I got you this. A Christmas present, from me to you.” She releases my hand and pulls her phone out of her back pocket.

“You got me a Christmas present?” I smile and take the phone from her trembling fingers.

Mariah brings a fist to her mouth as she watches my reaction.

I eye the image on the screen, confused. “A plane ticket?”

She smiles, her expression shifting between hope and fear as her gift starts to sink in.

Looking back at the phone, I reread it. The image starts to swim. “You got me a plane ticket down to LA?”

She takes hold of my hands, the phone clasped between us. Then, her voice low and uneven, she asks, “Come with me?”

My heart stutters and I take a step back, dropping her hands while squeezing the phone to my chest. “What?”

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