Page 58 of Holly Jolly July

“Or we could put hundreds of cheese slices all over his truck and put glitter in his vents and slick the inside of his windshield with Vaseline.”

I write that down, too, even though I think it’s a horrible idea.

“Oh! Oh! We hire a clown to follow him around for two weeks and make him think he’s being stalked by a serial killer!”

I lower my phone, shocked that a person who radiates sunshine and rainbows can have a mind that goes so dark. “Or, how about we do things that won’t land us in jail?”

Ellie considers this. “Good point.”

“Think less Carrie Underwood ‘Before He Cheats’ and more Regina George fromMean Girls.”

“Hmm.” Ellie leans back, stroking her chin like the evil genius she apparently is. “InMean Girlsthey pranked Regina in ways that took away her power.”

“Yes.”

“So, what is it that gives Matt his power?”

I contemplate this for a second. “He’s hot?”

Ellie snaps her fingers. “Bingo.”

“He has that amazing hair,” I continue.

“And he smells really good.”

I hum low in my throat. “Fuck, does he smell good.”

“And his arms,” Ellie adds.

“The tendons on his hands and forearms.” I bite my lip.

Ellie squirms in her seat. “The way he grabs you and digs his fingers into your hips.”

I lean closer on the table. “How he can lift you so easily, toss you around—”

“Shove you against a wall—” Ellie leans forward, too.

“Do whatever he wants—”

“Even though youbothwant it...”

Ellie and I pause, leaning toward each other with heated smirks on our faces. Her eyes dart to my lips, and mine follow suit. The tension between us sparks a heat in my belly, sending a sharp tingle between my thighs. Before I can determine if it’s Ellie or talking about Jax that caused it, she breaks the spell by clearing her throat. We both move away at the same time.

“Okay, yes.” I shake my head, trying to get back on track. “We make him less... hot. But how do we do that without committing a felony or causing permanent damage?”

She thinks for a moment, then her eyes alight with an idea. “I’ve got it.”

Three hours later, Ellie is dressed up as the old man again. She limps into the bar while I wait outside for her text. Ellie takes several minutes, leaving me far too long to think about our plan and all the ways it could go wrong. I’m nearly ready to call everything off when she texts me.

ELLIE:Kevin

ME:Why do we need code words?

ELLIE:KEVIN!!!!

Summoning all my courage—which isn’t very much—I rush inside. Ellie’s old man voice resounds from the men’s bathroom, talking loudly about how he’s never had a shit so big it clogged a toilet like that. I’m panicking too hard to laugh. My heart is pounding and my stomach is clenched so tight I feel like I might barf and ruin the whole plan. I get to work behind the bar. My first operative is taping a remote-controlled fart machine to the underside of a cabinet, which was Ellie’s idea, obviously. I told her it was immature and not worth our time, but she couldn’t even get through explaining the joke without laughing, so I reluctantly agreed. Afterward, I squirt purple dye into his glass of Coke Zero and nab his truck keys that he stores under the till. I leave just as fast as I came in, glancing around at the patrons to see that nobody’s even looked up from their scratch tickets.

Once outside, I text Ellie the code.

---