Page 66 of Holly Jolly July

She nudges me with her foot under the table. “Don’t sell yourself short.”

“It’s just fact. I’ve been acting for years, ever since junior high, and I’m still playing secondary characters. When I started out, I figured, hell yeah, Barista 2, what a dream! And here I am, years later, still playing a barista.”

“You’re more than a barista, though,” she clarifies.

I clench my fists in excitement, breaking a cookie. “You read the script!”

“Of course. I don’t want to lose my job.”

“I’m glad you did, because I didn’t want to accidentally ruin the ending.” I pop the broken cookie into my mouth and chew while talking. “So yeah, okay, I’m more than a barista this time, but I’m still not the lead. I’ve been in seven films now, three with this company alone. I’ve worked my way up from Barista 2 to Inn Housekeeper to Sister of the Lead, and now I’ve done Best Friend of the Lead twice in a row.” My shoulders slump. “I’m thirty-one now. Opportunities to be the star will get fewer and fewer. Soon, I’ll be applying for roles like Crotchety Mother of the Bride, and Grumpy Neighbour with Too Many Cats.”

“It’s not that bad,” Mariah says, but I barely hear her past my spiralling thoughts.

I pick up a new cookie and focus all my attention on it while talking. “It doesn’t seem to matter how hard I work, if I memorize the script weeks before, if I show up early and cheer everyone on, if I nail my lines and my blocking and even manage to force some fake tears—I’m still typecast as the same person I always am. I think there’s something about me that’s just not meant to be the lead,” I continue, musing more to myself than to her. “Now, Julia. She’s meant to be the lead. She has main character energy out the wazoo. You can feel it when she walks into a room. It’s like she has a fan blowing her hair back all the time, you know? You can tell by looking at her that she’s special and different. She’d never get cast as a barista. She’s so perfect, with her flowing waves, her cute button nose, her symmetrical smile. This is her first acting job, aside from that toothpaste commercial, and she landed a lead role outright. She has a bright future ahead of her, in all the best ways.” I sigh, then straighten. “Good for her. I’m not here to tear other women down. I’m glad she gets to live her dream. I’m sure she’s worked hard, too. The happiness I feel for her is genuine, but... Why not me? Maybe I’m only every meant to be a secondary character...” I let that gross feeling pool in my gut as envy leeches into my core, sinking into a moment of darkness.

There’s an ache deep in my bones, knowing that being the side character goes much further than that, resonating not just through my career, but my own life. I’ll never get the happily-ever-after I’ve always wanted—not on set, and not in the real world, either. Matt has proven it again. I’m destined to watch from the sidelines as it happens for other people, but never for me.

I look up from my latest penis-cookie creation to see Mariah’s pitying expression. I snap out of it, forcing a cheery smile to my face and straightening my posture. “But hey! I get to work on movies! That’s amazing. I’m really lucky. I am grateful every day for this opportunity.”

Mariah gives me a weird look I can’t decipher. “It’s okay if you feel—”

I cut her off, eager to get the conversation away from me and my lacklustre acting career and change the subject. “What about you? Have you always wanted to do film makeup?”

She thinks for a moment, regarding me while I fidget, my sunshine smile firmly reaffixed to my face. Seeming to give up, she lets the conversation switch without bugging me about it. “Yeah, actually. I always wanted to work on movies.”

“That’s great! Look at you, living your dream.”

“Not really. I didn’t exactly have this type of movie in mind.”

I raise an eyebrow. “What kind of moviesdidyou have in mind?”

Interstitial

Int. Apartment Hallway - Evening

James walks Annie slowly down the hallway as they smile shyly at each other.

Through the walls they hear baby Henry crying.

Annie and James share a concerned look before walking faster toward Jenna’s door.

Int. Jenna’s Apartment - Evening

Annie opens the door and steps inside to find Jenna flustered and nearly in tears, herself.

James stands at the doorway, looking uneasy.

ANNIE

Oh no, are you okay?

JENNA

Henry won’t stop crying. Usually I take

him on a walk to the park so he can go

on his favourite swing. That always

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