Page 151 of The Robin on the Oak Throne

“Feel?” she asked uncertainly.

“About your parents and their abandonment.”

“I don’t know,” she said slowly. “It’s not…great, but I survived.”

“Of course you did. You’re a survivor. But what if you had children, would you want them to have the same upbringing as you?”

“No,” she said automatically, half coming out of the chair in horror. “Children should never have to go through what I went through.”

“No one should have to endure a loss like that.” The doctor’s face was open, and Kierse could see no judgment. “In my experience, the trauma of the loss of a parent, the loss of security, the loss of love is one of the deepest we could ever go through.”

Kierse choked as she tried to swallow. “Yes.”

“And with that in mind, we need to consider that the trauma you endured may have some impact on why you cannot get past that mental block.” The doctor set her tea down before asking, “Is it possible that they died in that room?”

Kierse’s chest tightened. “No, I can getpastthat night. I can see me leaving with them after the spell is put on me.”

“That’s good. That you can move past it.” She tapped a finger on the arm of her chair. “Do you have a memory of their death?”

Kierse froze. She had been so hung up on the block that she and Graves hadn’t gone further. The thought made her sick to her stomach.

“I don’t know,” she finally whispered. “I don’t think I want to see it.”

“And why is that?”

“Wouldyouwant to see your parents’ deaths?” she gasped.

“Both of my parents are dead. I watched my father pass during the war and my mom at a young age. I was there, and it was terrible. The grieving process was excruciating. But that isn’t what happened to you. You were never able to grieve their losses for what truly happened. A new history was constructed around you. That is not the same thing. Just because you have learned how to live with what happened doesn’t mean that you’ve healed from it.”

Kierse reared back as if struck. That was what she’d done. She’d learned to live with it. And reopening that wound was like someone stabbing her repeatedly. She didn’t want to know the future. She didn’t want to see it. Whether that was the block or not, she didn’t have it in her.

She stood abruptly. “I don’t… I think…we’re done.”

Dr. Carrión frowned. “I understand that what we’re discussing is deeply troubling. But you need to face what happened so that you can move forward.”

Kierse swallowed. That was what she’d said she wanted, why she’d come. But she hadn’t thought it had anything to do with her parents’ deaths. She just wanted to get into that stupid room.

“Before you dart out of here, I’m interested in trying something. Are you opposed to doing a spell?” Dr. Carriónreached into her bag and removed a small cauldron, a lighter, and a bag of herbs.

She hesitated. “What does it do?”

“This will clear the mind. It works by releasing trapped energy through its natural pathways. It might help you to see through the block.”

“That’s possible?”

“Sometimes,” she said with a laugh. “This facility is science and magic combined. My medical degree can take me far, but when it comes to magic and monsters, a blend is usually a more elegant solution.”

Dr. Carrión set up the spell, turned off the lights, and then spoke a few words over the burning herbs. A cloud of purple smoke puffed out of the pot and suffused the room.

“Breathe the smoke in and then go to that spot in your memory where you are stuck.”

Kierse inhaled and let the rich scent fill her lungs. She closed her eyes and tried to think about the apartment that she had never been able to enter. She could see her parents, the woman yelling in Spanish, the dirty hallway. She could sense their anxiety and pain and fear. But the door lurched toward her, and then…she just moved past.

To the street with her blunted senses. Then to her parents’ apartment. People in the room, a strange voice issuing a command, blood on the floor. She quickly looked away from it. Then suddenly the street where Jason had found her.

Kierse gasped as she wrenched herself away from it. That time had been different. She still hadn’t gotten into the room, but she’d seen something else…something she hadn’t seen before. Yet another thing that didn’t make any sense.

The doctor turned the lights back on and spent a few minutes in silence as she sifted through the smoke. After a few moments, it began to dissipate, and she sat back heavily in her chair as if the weight of the magic settled into her bones.

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