Page 110 of Facing the Line

The timer I set on my phone dings, startling me. Pocketing my ear buds, I collect my laptop and folder for the class and shove them into my bag.

“Sorry, guys, I’ve gotta jet. I’m free Sunday afternoon, though, if you want to meet again to work on stuff.”

Braden mumbles something under his breath I probably don’t want to hear, and Jackson stands up.

“Um, I’ll walk you out.”

“Uh, okay?”

Jackson is about my height, has a receding hairline, and a penchant for punny t-shirts. Tonight’s is black and says, simply, “code blooded.” In spite of their utter differences, I have a flashback to Jonas walking me home from the library last year.

Although in that case, my stomach was filled with butterflies and anticipation. Now it’s anxiety that makes my belly lurch.

Jackson is not a bad guy. Not overly misogynistic like Braden, he’s pretty harmless. But that doesn’t mean I want or need him to walk me anywhere.

“I want to apologize again for Braden,” he says, and my eyebrows hit my hairline. “There aren’t a lot of girls in CS classes, and you’re, well, you’re you.”

“I’m me?” I blink. “What does that mean?”

He gestures up and down at my body as if that encompasses everything. “You’re definitely a girl.”

What do I say to that? “Yep, I am.”

“I don’t want you to be mad. We all need a decent grade on this project.”

Ah, that’s why he’s having this conversation. So I don’t tank our assignment. I clear my throat.

“Jackson, I picked computer science as a major because I like it. I want to do well, as much as anyone else. I might not look the part, but I’m serious about this. It has nothing to do with my gender or anyone else’s. Is that going to be a problem?”

“No, no, of course not.” He runs a hand over his hair, saying the right thing but looking baffled.

“Good.” I brush past him and head to the door. “See you Sunday.”

It’s not the first time this has happened. I’ve heard whispers in class, too. It only makes me more determined to prove to them I can be blonde, social, and good at my major.

But as I walk out into the cool fall air by myself, I ache for Jonas. I miss my best friend, the guy I could talk to about anything. He’d listen to my concerns, reassure me about my choices, and help me fit in. He’d never make me feel like Braden or Jackson.

Could I call him? Has it been long enough? My heart races at the thought.

Probably not. Time for a distraction.

“Kendall, I don’t have it in me tonight,” I say, when she waggles her eyebrows and holds up a gorgeous slinky silver top. I promised her a fun time, but after that study session and my group partners’ eyes on me, I want to curl up in my bed.

Her lips pull down in a pout. “This sucks. I thought we were going to spend the whole year going to bars and hooking up with guys. Wasn’t that your plan?”

“Well…” Maybe that’s what I told Jonas, but it isn’t working out for me. Kendall has taken me at my word and forced me out every weekend so far—and some weeknights, too. But my heart isn’t in it. I tried, but I have to admit there’s no spark. Everyone I meet falls short. I can’t bring myself to go home with some random guy. I keep imagining dancing brown eyes, a slow smile, and kind hands. I don’t want to admit it, but I don’t want to kiss anyone else. I like that Jonas is the last person I’ve been with. I’m not ready for that to change.

I clear my throat. “If you let us stay in tonight, we can catch up onLove Island.”

Kendall squeals and tosses the shirt in the air. “Finally! I can’t wait to see what’s been going on.”

That’s another thing I haven’t been able to handle. Every time I start to turn on the show, all I can remember is watching it with Jonas. How the air had crackled between us and heated up every part of my body.

A sigh escapes me, and Kendall levels me in a stern gaze. “Oh no, you’re not going to ruin my binge-watch by moping.”

“Nope.” I straighten my spine. “Of course not. Now, can we please put on sweatpants?”

We do, plus I make microwave popcorn and find a bag of dark chocolate peanut butter cups. Perfect. We settle on my bed with Kendall’s laptop on her knees.

---