Page 99 of Facing the Line

“We’re still friends, right?” she asks, biting her lip. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Friends. Hanging out with her, watching TV, cooking together. Working out or running and being reminded of all the memories we shared. But not kissing her, not touching her. Or worse, doing those things but knowing it doesn’t mean anything for her when it means everything to me.

I slowly shake my head. “We are friends, Hadley, but I’m gonna need some time. I can’t just turn it off.”

“Oh.” Her face crumples in on itself again, and she nods. “Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I guess I’ll see you around, then?”

“I guess,” I say. The words sound strangled, hard to shove out around the lump in my throat.

And then I flee.

Chapter

Forty-Four

HADLEY

Kendall takes one look at my red, puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks and bustles me out of our dorm room. She hands me a pair of aviators, puts me in the front seat of her car, and then sets me in an isolated back corner booth at The Silver Spoon. She’s the best.

I sniff into a napkin and try not to be too pathetic while she waits in line. Through my sunglasses, I stare at the laughing college students and families inside the old-fashioned ice-cream parlor. The sparkly red vinyl booths, Formica tables, and red and white striped awning outside give it a fifties vibe, and the ice cream is creamy and delicious. They boast over thirty decadent flavors, and I haven’t tried one I didn’t like.

When Kendall comes back with a dish of Fat Elvis for her and a massive bowl of Bourbon Pecan Pie for me, I start crying all over again. It’s so sweet, and I’ve missed her so much.

“Spill,” she says, gesturing with her spoon.

So I do. I tell her everything, way beyond the details in my texts. How my attraction to Jonas only grew over the summer, how much fun we had together, and how we decided it would be okay to have a secret little fling as long as it had an end date.

“But it wasn’t okay, was it?” she asks after I finish my sad tale.

I shake my head and take another bite. The ice cream helps, but only marginally.

“He wants more.” I drop my voice to a whisper. “He said he fell in love with me.”

Kendall grins, which feels out of place at a time like this. I’m about to get indignant when she speaks. “I can’t blame him. You are awesome.”

Despite everything, I huff a watery laugh. “You’re right. But I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”

Kendall puts her hand over mine. “I get it. Did you tell him that?”

“Yeah.” I review the conversation. “Well, sort of. I said I don’t want to be monogamous.”

She winces. “I don’t know Jonas very well, but I doubt he’d go for that.”

I swirl my spoon in the dregs of my bowl. “He did not.”

I didn’t expect him to. That’s kinda why I said it.

Kendall stares at me, brown eyes piercing. I glance away.

“I’m all for options and having fun. But it sounds like you really like him.” She pushes another napkin towards me across the table, and I wipe my nose.

“I do really like him. A lot.” I sniff. “But I’m too young to be serious about anyone. And Jonas…”

I think back over everything this summer. He selflessly cared for everyone we encountered, especially me. He waited to have sex because he wanted it to mean something. How can I put itinto words for her? “Jonas loves with his whole heart. He can’t stop himself. And I’m not ready for that.”

Kendall nods, her eyes sad. “You know best about what you need, boo.”

Crumpling the napkin in my fingers, I shred it into little pieces. “He said we can’t be friends.”

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