Page 28 of Double Apex

“I neither confirm nor deny,” she replies primly.

“Nat, you can’t get involved with Klaus. I know I told you about what happened with the woman fromChalk Talk. There was an actual lawsuit, for fuck’s sake. Hehatesjournalists.”

She delivers a smug look. “I don’t think he hates this one.”

“Nat…”

“Let me effing enjoy a simple flirtation!” she almost shouts. “This isn’t your business, Phae! Can you see now why I never want to tell you anything? You’re so superior.”

I recoil as if slapped. “You ‘neverwant to tell me anything’? Seriously? Wow.” I spring to my feet and go to the closet, yanking a shirt off a hanger. “Wanna know what your problem is?”

“Oh,thisshould be priceless.”

“You pin your hopes to bullshit. Like how you pay a hundred bucks for your tubes of miracle face cream with, like, seahorse jizz or whatever in them. Same ingredients as my giant bottle of Dollar Store hand lotion, most likely.”

I wrench the shirt over my head.

“Christ almighty,” I growl, “did you pretend to believe in the Easter Bunny until you were sixteen just so you could keep getting baskets of free candy?”

I don’t know why I’m taking the gloves off now, but I’m too mad to hold back. I’m unpleasantly reminded of all the times Aislinn tattled on me when we were kids, running off screeching,Mama, Phae’s being spiteful!I had no way of explaining then—or even understanding myself—why it was worse to let Aislinn have her way than to ruin it for myself.

I know I’m fucking this friendship, but I can’t seem to rein it in now that I’ve started.

“Nice to know what you really think of me,” Nat bites out, getting to her feet and grabbing her purse. “You just think it makes you sound smart to be cynical all the time.”

This is the point where I should apologize, right? Stop her from leaving?

“I’d rather be cynical than delusional!”

Wow.No.

Fuck my stupid noise hole. Is this like throwing the last oatmeal cookie to the birds so neither Aislinn nor I can have it?

Holy shit, Morgan, shut up!I warn myself.What are you trying to win?

“Really helpful, Phae,” Nat snaps. “No wonder everyone says you’re so brilliant.” She slings her purse on. “You know what? I take it back:I am sick of you.”

With that, she strides to the door and flips it open, then walks out. And because I’m a piece of shit who perversely can’tresist making it worse, I run after her, sticking my head out and shouting down the hall, “I hope you mean it, because I’m over your bullshit!”

She lifts a hand and flips me off, and she’s only ever done that as a joke, so it really hurts. I shut the door and sit against it, head in my hands.

My dad is sick, I suck at my job, I’m falling for a man I can’t have, and my best friend has dumped me…

I say it to myself again and again—twisting the knife enough to let the tears leak out—and then cry for everything I can’t fix.

10

AZERBAIJAN

LATE APRIL

COSMIN

Race week in China was already shit before the grand prix. Phaedra was cold, and even the perennially unflappable Klaus seemed out of sorts.

Team owner Mo went to the States for a “family situation,” and there was gossip in the press about what that might mean. Then, nine laps into the race, my right rear driveshaft hub broke, and I had to retire. Jakob came in eleventh, just outside the points. No one was happy.

This weekend will be different. The Baku City Circuit in Azerbaijan is quite long—over six kilometers—and thrillingly fast, with gorgeous technical bits that play to my strengths. I qualified in fourth and Jakob seventh. A podium finish is within my grasp.

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