The sudden intimate gesture froze my brain, and the world became still. I told myself he meant it to emphasize his point. That this was so serious he had to touch me like that to command my full attention. That I shouldn’t be thinking about the way he’d held my face like this once before, but tenderly and with two hands and two lips and the press of his body against mine.
“Um…” I swallowed hard and moved his hand away. “That didn’t seem very professional. Do you do that with all your clients?”
“No.” He quickly dropped his hand. “But I know you, and I know you need something more than words for rules to sink in.”
“It seems to be a blessing and a curse,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “But you’re forgetting I’m not a kid anymore. I am, in fact, aware of the need to take your advice into serious consideration in the event of danger.”
“I need more than your consideration. I need action,” he said.“You have a high tolerance for risk. That’s why you need to trust that if I say run, you run, or if I say a situation is dangerous, you follow my lead.”
“Because you have a lower tolerance for risk?” I asked.
“I have a zero tolerance for risk when it comes to you.”
We walked past the library and made our way to the social sciences building. I still hadn’t decided which friends I should tell about Ace and which ones I should leave in the dark.
“You’re quiet,” he said. “I hope that means you’re giving serious thought to rule one.”
“Actually, I’m just trying to figure out who can know you’re a bodyguard and who gets relegated to the B team. I have a lot of friends and it feels wrong to lie to them.”
“The more people you tell, the less chance it stays a secret,” he pointed out.
“My roommates had to know, of course. And Sam, because he would have been upset if he came by for a hookup and I told him I had a bodyguard in the room next door. I’ll have to tell Skye because she’s one of my closest friends and we work together at the coffee shop. That means Dante will know, because they’re dating and he runs the radio station and would probably need to know anyway. And, Isla will have to know because she lives with Skye, and if Isla knows then Nick will need to know because they’re dating. And if Nick knows then Derek will know because they live together…”
Ace gave a grunt of irritation. “That’s too many people.”
“Everyone I mentioned except Isla works at the radio station,” I said. “We’re like a big family.”
“An incestuous family,” he grumbled. “You all seem to either be living with each other, working with each other, or dating each other. Even you—Chad’s living in your house.”
“Nick, Derek, Dante, and I were in a band together with one of Dante’s friends,” I said. “It was amazing. The energy was incredible. I never feel anything like that when I sing solo. But it was Dante’s band, and he had to break it up because his career tookoff and he got gigs and session work and might even be going out on tour—”
“Living your dream,” Ace said.
“Yes.” I sighed. “I don’t think that will ever happen for me. The band was my best chance. Dante drew a lot of attention. He’s an amazing musician.”
“So are you.”
I looked over at him, so calm and confident. “You’ve never really heard me sing except in the school talent shows and at community events or in the kitchen at home and—”
“Online,” Ace said. “I follow your socials. I downloaded all your music and listened to it when I was on deployment every chance I got.”
For the first time I could remember, I had nothing to say. “You listened to my music?”
“I’m not a big music lover,” Ace admitted. “I like music, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you the difference between pop and rock or blues and jazz. I don’t spend hours making playlists or analyzing the lyrics of songs. I hear something I like, and I enjoy it in the moment, but your music I’ve listened to again and again. Matt listened to it, too. He had it downloaded to an MP3 player for when he didn’t have internet and he would play it for his unit or before he went out on a mission. He was so proud of you.”
Ace listened to my music. Matt listened to my music and shared it with his friends. Matt, who used to laugh when I played him a new song. Matt, who used to tease me about my painfully awkward lyrics. A wave of grief crashed over me, sweeping my breath away. I doubled over, trying to get it under control.Breathe. Breathe. You’re fine. Lock it away.
“Haley?” Ace crouched down in front of me. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought him up. Are you okay?”
“I need… space. I need to be alone. Just… just for a minute.” I backed away, waving my arms. Too much. Too many emotions. I needed to get away, to find a quiet space and stuff them all back in the black box with everything else that I had yet to process.I didn’t have time for emotions. I didn’t want to deal with all that pain. Better to put the past behind me and move on with a cheerful face.
“I can’t. I can’t.” I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. The tide surged around me, threatening to pull me under.
Ace gripped my shoulders, his touch firm. “I can’t let you leave. I need eyes on you at all times.” His hands slid down my arms to my hands and he wrapped them around his waist. “Hold on to me.”
I hugged him tight, buried my face in his chest, closed my eyes, and breathed him in. He smelled of autumn leaves and fresh mountain air. He smelled of home.
“I’ve got you.” His deep voice rumbled in his chest as his arms tightened around me, holding me safe.