Page 30 of Steal My Breath Away

“That’s what this is?” He gestured to the sea of papers. “I didn’t know you were still writing your own songs.”

“They’re not very good so I’ve never shown them to anyone, and I can only compose when I’m…” I sighed. “When bad stuffhappens. I stayed up all night writing and I guess at some point I fell asleep. I don’t know why everyone got so worried.”

“You didn’t come out of your room to eat or use the bathroom. You didn’t go to class…”

“Oh God.” As soon as he mentioned the bathroom, I had an urgent need to go. I pushed myself up and raced down the hallway. After washing up and making myself look semi-presentable, I returned to find Ace sitting on my floor reading the lyrics I’d been writing all night long.

Unlike many songwriters, I had no control over the creative part of my brain. I couldn’t write on demand. I couldn’t force the lyrics. I had to wait for a trigger and then the words came in a tidal wave that demanded my full attention. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. And apparently, I didn’t pee.

Threats and kisses, it seemed, were more of a trigger than being manhandled into a white panel van.

“These are very good.” He looked up from the papers on his lap. “Did you write all this last night?”

“Yes.” I snatched the papers away. “But they’re private.”

“The top one is about fear. Is that why you couldn’t sleep? You’re afraid?”

I sat across from him, leaning against the bed, my arms wrapped around my knees. I was still trying to wake up and shake off the brain fog that was making it difficult to remember why I’d been so angry with him.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re obviously not fine if you can’t sleep, you write songs all night long without food or water until your fingers bleed—”

“My fingers aren’t bleeding.” I held up my hand. “I pick at the skin around my fingernails when I’m stressed and sometimes it bleeds. It’s a thing with a name I can’t remember right now. I would love to write until my fingers bled. It sounds very romantic. I’d feel like a real composer, so fully into the music I would let it destroy me to be free.”

Ace chuckled. “You have an interesting view of romance.”

My gaze flicked to his lips and away. “So do you.”

He sat beside me, leaning against the bed, and lifted my hand, looking at the mess I’d made of my thumb. “I don’t like to see you hurt, even if you’re the one doing the hurting.”

“I don’t feel it.” I didn’t feel anything. I’d basically been numb since my dad died.

Ace brought my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers one by one. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t cope with the sudden rush of emotion that flooded my senses at his touch.

“Stop.” I yanked my hand away, but I could still feel the soft press of his lips on my skin, the gentle stroke of his finger.

“What triggered you?” he asked, seemingly unaffected by my rejection. “I need to know, because if it happens again and I can’t find you, Paige will come for me. My life will be in danger.”

I squeezed my legs, shivering as a cold draft blew across the floor. “I know it won’t make sense but those threatening messages were more frightening to me than what happened on Michigan Avenue. When the guy tried to grab me on the street, it was shocking and terrifying, but it was in a public place and part of me still believed it could have been a random grab like the police said. But the messages were different. There was no chance they were meant for someone else.” A shiver ran down my spine and I crumpled the page of lyrics in my hand.

“Haley… don’t…” Ace gently pried my hand open and took the page, smoothing it out on the floor.

“He came ontomyshow,myhappy place, and made me feel unsafe,” I said, my voice wavering. “I know the station broadcasts to hundreds of thousands of people, but when I’m on the air, sharing my stories and playlists, and giving people space to share with me, it’s an intimate experience, and those messages made me feel violated. Now, I can’t pretend anymore. Now, it’s in my face and I have to deal with the fact that it’s real and it’s not going away. Someone wants to hurt me, and I never did anything to them.”

“That’s why you have me,” Ace said firmly. “No one is going tohurt you while I’m around, but like I said before, you have to tell me when stuff like this happens. You have to let me know when you’ve been threatened, or when you’re afraid or feeling so distressed you can’t sleep. I’m here for you however you need me.”

“Honestly, Ace.” I stared at the door, unable to meet his gaze. “I still don’t completely trust you. You kissed me all those years ago and made me think certain things, and then you left Tyler’s party with Esme Duncan and made me feel like an idiot. And now you’ve done it again.”

“It wasn’t my choice,” Ace said. “The company has a rule about taking time off when we’re doing full-time protection. I’d already broken it. If I hadn’t agreed to take a break, Tony would have pulled me out entirely.”

I shifted away from him, shivering as the cool air filled up the space between us. “It’s just very hard to believe given the timing.” And then, the questions I’d always wanted to ask spilled out before I could stop them. “Why did you kiss me at Tyler’s party? Was I just there when you felt the need to kiss someone? Did you feel sorry for me? Was it just a friendly kiss that I misinterpreted? Did it mean anything?” My voice rose in agitation. “Or were you just trying to be cruel?” I picked up my pen and clicked the top over and over, trying to find a focus for the pain that was escaping the black box where I’d kept it hidden for years.

Click. Click. Click. It seemed like forever until Ace finally answered.

“I didn’tjustwant to kiss you, Haley.”

I stopped clicking. Looked up for the first time since he’d sat down beside me. My heart thudded a frantic rhythm in my chest. “What else did you want to do?”

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