Page 52 of Steal My Breath Away

I glared at Paige over my second Long Island iced tea. We’d already had this conversation. I’d assured her I knew what I was doing. Clearly she didn’t believe me, and now she’d brought backup.

“I’ve wanted him forever. I don’t see a problem with fulfilling my teen fantasy of sleeping with my brother’s best friend.”

“What about the night he told Matt he would never in a million years want to go out with you?” Paige asked. “When he said he just saw you as a little kid playing dress-up? You climbed out the window and came to my house and cried all night. What did he say about that?”

I took a sip of my drink and stared at the table. There was no point mentioning I’d briefly touched on that night in the changing room at the bar because we hadn’t had a chance to get into it. “It didn’t come up.”

“What do you mean it didn’t come up?” Her voice rose in pitch. “You were utterly devastated. And then there was the night before he deployed. And four years of being ghosted. You have unresolved issues with him, Haley. You are supposed to deal with those first, before you jump into bed.”

“We haven’t really used the bed.” My cheeks heated even though it was Paige and my girls and they knew everything about me.

“Babe…”

“It’s just sex,” I assured them. “The hottest, wildest, most exciting sex I’ve ever had. It’s been fun and I wasn’t going to slow things down to ask him why he suddenly had a change of heart. I’m not looking for a relationship and neither is he. We’re two consenting adults having a crazy good time, and when he’s done with the bodyguarding, it will be over.”

“Crazy is right,” Skye said. “He’s here as your bodyguard, babe. What if things go south? It’s not like you can ghost him or say thanks for the hookup but now we’re done. How is he going to protect you if the two of you have a fight? It’s not just about what happened in the past; it’s about right now. We want you to be safe, and if he’s emotionally compromised—”

“He’s a professional,” I said, bristling. “If he felt he couldn’t protect me because we slept together a few times, he’d let me know.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have put yourselves in that position in the first place,” Paige suggested.

“I didn’t think that far,” I said honestly. “He touches me and my brain fuzzes with lust. It’s like I’m caught in a whirlwind, and I lose all control.”

Paige took a long sip of her drink. “I go away and look what happens.”

“I had sex,” I said. “People have sex. I’ve had lots of sex with lots of men. You guys never had an issue before. Maybe you should stop judging me and start feeling happy that I’m with someone who totally gets me.”

“That’s because he’s known you since you were ten years old, and then he didn’t want to know you that way until he was leaving and took advantage of your feelings to get a kiss before he went home with Esme Duncan.” Paige couldn’t hide the bitterness in her tone. “Did it occur to you he might be doing the same thing now?”

“I don’t know why you can’t just be happy for me,” I snapped, shocked and disappointed that Paige of all people didn’t support me. “It’s not serious.”

“Haley!” Paige’s voice rose so high that Ace looked over, forcing her to drop to a harsh whisper. “He hurt you. Twice. More than anyone else has ever hurt you before, and I know, because I’m the one who picked up the pieces. You can’t just pretend those things didn’t happen. He can’t just say ‘sorry’ and wipe the slate clean. You can’t get involved with him without really talking things through,otherwise you’re sleeping with a dick who’s taking advantage of the fact that you crushed on him when you were a kid and now you’re together all the time so he figures why not have a little fun at your emotional expense.”

“It’s not like that.” I stared at her aghast. “He’s not like that. I don’t know how to explain it but he’s not that kind of guy.”

“I know exactly what kind of guy he is.” Paige crossed her arms. “And if you shed even one tear because of him, the kind of guy he will be is dead.”

“You’re reading too much into it.”

“And you’re not reading into it enough. You’re in denial. It’s not like you’re having a hookup with someone you just met or a casual acquaintance and there is no risk of an emotional attachment. You two have a history together. A long history. You had a connection, a friendship, and then you caught feelings and he brutally ripped out your heart. You loved him before you knew what love was. You can’t just have sex with a guy like that. You say it’s not serious, but you’re already emotionally involved, and I know this because we’re still talking about it. You couldn’t even remember the name of your last hookup. Where’s your self-respect? He treated you like—”

“Paige. Slow down.” Skye put a hand on her arm. “I know you’re worried about Haley but maybe she needs time to process. Why don’t we put it aside for now?”

I shot Skye a look of gratitude, but I was done with the conversation and done with what I’d thought was supposed to be a fun evening out. As usual, Paige had drawn out all the things I had been trying not to think about, all the unsettling feelings and misgivings I had blithely ignored. It was no coincidence that things had heated up between Ace and me when she was away. Paige was my conscience, and at the back of my mind, I’d always known what she was going to say. “I thought you, of all people, would be happy for me,” I said to Paige. “I always wanted to sleep with him, and I did, and it was great, and that’s all there is to it.Sometimes it’s okay to just be in the moment. Sometimes you just go with the flow and deal with everything else later.”

“You can’t keep burying your feelings and putting everything off until later,” she retorted. “That’s all you ever do. It’s better to get everything out in the open and feel it, deal with it, and then you can move on.”

“I feel like you’re holding back, keeping all that emotion contained like a dam holds back water.”

First Stefan, and now Paige. Why did people think I was repressing my emotions? I was out there, laying everything on the table. I was the most talkative person in class, with my friends, even on the air. I grabbed my bag and slid out of the seat. Paige and I had had many heart-to-heart talks over the years, and she’d never held back when she thought I was making a mistake, but for some reason this time I didn’t want to hear what she had to say.

Breathe. Breathe. You’re fine. Lock it away.

“You may not like Ace,” I said. “But at least he accepts me for who I am.”

“I hope so,” she shot back. “Because from where I’m sitting, he doesn’t really know you at all.”

CHAPTER 25Haley

---