Page 60 of Steal My Breath Away

“I like to think about all the times I saved you from imminent disaster.” Ace added the chopped onions to the frying panand then looked over at Aditi. “Once I even caught her when she rolled off the roof.”

I smiled at the memory and my tension eased. “I thought you just happened to be standing there.”

“In your mother’s azaleas?” He chuckled. “I liked flowers but not enough to want to become one with the bush. I knew you’d been in Matt’s room setting a trap to get him back for painting stripes on your stuffed pig. After saving your life, I went upstairs and dismantled the trap to save him from getting a face full of paint and you from being grounded, which you would have been when you destroyed his room.”

I folded my arms and glared. “I thought it had just misfired. You ruined a perfectly good prank.”

“You’re welcome.” Ace grinned. “And to think I did all those protective services for free when I could have been paid like I am now.”

I sent out a group text to see if anyone was around and wanted to share the meal, and then feigned exhaustion so I didn’t have to explain why I didn’t stay at the table. By the time Ace knocked on my door, I’d slipped on my pj’s to get comfy and was trying to play away the memories with my guitar.

“I brought you a sandwich.” Ace put the plate on my desk.

“Thank you. I’m sure what you made was delicious, but I just—”

“I know. I didn’t realize you hadn’t told your friends.” He leaned against the doorframe, arms folded across his broad chest.

“Some things are just too painful to talk about,” I said. “It’s easier not to bring them up.”

“Eight years is a long time not to talk about your dad. I think about him all the time. I’ve tried to re-create a lot of his recipes—”

I held up my hand, cutting him off. “I can’t, Ace. Just like I couldn’t eat your dinner, although I appreciate you cooking for all my roommates.”

“I was actually cooking for you, because you’ve hardly eaten anything since Thursday.”

Damn Ace for noticing, and for trying to make me something nice, and for knowing why I couldn’t eat it, and for making me a sandwich. How was I supposed to stay angry with him when he was being so sweet? “I had Doritos and a cup of coffee for lunch. I’m not going to starve.”

He lifted an eyebrow in censure. “How’s that working for you eight hours later?”

“I forgot the packet of Skittles.”

Ace moved to the door. “We need to talk, but I don’t want to stress you out any more than I already have. Maybe tomorrow.”

“I won’t be able to sleep now,” I protested. “I’ve just added ‘What did Ace want to talk about?’ to my list of things to try and not think about while I lie in the darkness listening to waves and rainstorms to help me fall asleep.”

Ace came in and closed the door behind him. “What else is on your list?”

“School, work, too many extracurriculars, not enough gigs. I haven’t done an open mic in weeks. I don’t remember the last time I was in a recording studio. I can’t go busking. Stefan opened a door, but I can’t walk through. I write songs but I don’t feel them. And then there’s Paige. We’ve never had a fight that lasted this long. She didn’t even show up for dinner. I don’t know where she is or if she still wants to be my friend after the way I treated her. She was trying to help me, and I threw it in her face. And then there was the dude at the station…” I drew in a ragged breath, trying to give voice to my feelings.

“You were scared,” Ace said quietly. “You don’t do scared.”

“You scared me when you banged on the studio window, told me that I was in danger, and then picked me up and ran with me down the hallway.” The words came tumbling out in a rush, tripping over my tongue. “And then you were shouting, and I was shouting, and then Ben, who is a perfectly nice, decent guy asked me out and I wanted to say yes because you’d pissed me off, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t say yes because I hated you at that moment and didn’t hate you at the same time. It was like that night afterthe school dance when you told Matt I was a silly girl playing dress-up and that I was the last person in the world you’d ever be interested in. I’d never felt so hurt and humiliated, and I wanted to hate you and I couldn’t.”

A pained expression crossed his face, and it took me a minute to realize I’d been expecting surprise or words to the effect of “You heard that?” but those words didn’t come.

“I had to say it,” he said. “Matt was my best friend. You were his little sister. It didn’t matter how much I wanted you—and I did, Haley. I wanted you in ways I shouldn’t have wanted you at only fifteen. You don’t know what it did to me when I saw you in that dress and realized you weren’t a little kid anymore, and worse that other guys were seeing you that way. We’ve always had a connection, but that night I realized that connection could be deeper, and it scared me. I didn’t want to lose you or Matt. So, I said what I had to say even though it killed me.”

Five years of pain and heartache and anger and longing swept through me in a heartbeat. Ace did want me. He’d felt what I felt. He’d denied us to save us, and to make sure Matt wouldn’t be alone.

“Say something,” he said into the silence.

“Is that the same reason you ghosted me after kissing me before you deployed?”

He let out a shuddering breath. “Yes and no. I was being selfish. I thought I might never see you again, and I didn’t want to die without knowing how it felt to kiss you. And then you said yes and it was everything. More than I’d ever imagined. But it just made me realize that I had to stay away from you, because if I kissed you again, I’d never want to let you go, and I just couldn’t do that to you because what if I didn’t come back? I didn’t want you to lose someone else. I didn’t want to betray Matt. And I didn’t want to keep you from meeting someone better than me.”

I wasn’t sure why Ace would think I could meet someone better than him when things had always been so easy between us, but it didn’t ease my pain. “I felt that kiss in my bones. Itfelt right. We felt right. I’d wanted you for so long, and then you ripped us apart. You hurt me, Ace. So much.”

“If I could take that moment back…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I can’t say I would. That kiss got me through some terrible times. The pictures I had of you, the memories we made… they carried me forward when nothing else did.”

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