Page 74 of Steal My Breath Away

“I used to think it would be so much better to be part of a band, but it was like herding cats,” I said. “I wanted to try out a new song, but Dante couldn’t even get them to agree on a set list of songs we’d played before, much less try something new. It was something very personal. I was hoping to try and draw out the kind of emotion Stefan thought I was lacking on stage.”

Chad gave an indignant huff from the front seat. “You are an amazing singer. What else did the dude want? For you to rip out your soul?”

“I do keep a lot inside.” And then, because nothing else was working to keep my feelings contained, and because trying to draw on the emotional energy of a discordant band had left me feeling curiously unfulfilled, I forced myself to share with people I knew would never judge me. “It started after my dad died. I was only twelve and I was the one who found him after he’d had his heart attack. Every night after that I had nightmares about finding him—he’d been hit by a train, or fell out of a tree, or was in a car crash. He’d say, ‘I love you, baby girl,’ which is what he used to call me, and then he’d die all over again. It was too much. I couldn’t feel those feelings over and over, so I found a way to block them out.”

Paige took my hand and gave it a squeeze. She was the only person who knew how I’d coped and what I had to do to get through each day.

“That’s a lot for a kid to deal with.” Aditi’s eyes warmed with sympathy. “I hope your mom got you some help.”

“She didn’t know. She was very deep into her own grief, and my brother was, too. But Ace knew. I don’t know how. I never told him. But he knew, and sometimes he’d just be there, walking me home from school on Father’s Day, or sitting with me on the porch on what used to be our first camping weekend of the summer, or bringing me something to eat because I couldn’t bear to go into the kitchen. That’s where I found my dad. He was a chef, and it was his happy place. He’d been making grilled cheese sandwiches for our after-school snack.”

“Jesus, Haley.” Chad dabbed at his eyes. “I can’t believe you never told us about this stuff before and we’ve been friends for almost three years. You know we’re always here for you.”

“I never cried,” I admitted as the words continued to spill out. “Not for him. Not when my mom basically abandoned us to deal with her own grief. Not for my brother Matt when he died on deployment. Not for Ace when he left…”

Chad gave me a calculated look. “That was never a good idea.”

“It doesn’t matter now. He’s gone. Just like everyone else.”

“They don’t have to be gone,” Chad said. “That’s your choice. I did a lot of therapy when my brother died, and what helped me the most was bringing him back into my life. I went through my phone every day and looked at the pictures and videos of him and remembered all the good times we had together. It was hard, but it was healing, and it was good to have those memories back. You should try it. Just one picture or one memory at a time.”

Nothing else had worked, so I gave it a try. I mentally opened the black box and a memory slipped free. It wasn’t one I would have chosen, but it was the high school freshman talent show. I was terrified, and for a few painful moments after I stepped up to the microphone nothing came out. And then I heard a whoop and a holler and cheering from the back of the gym. Seniors never showed up at freshman events. They were too cool,too classy, too busy. But there they were. Matt and Ace. Making idiots of themselves to support me. I’d felt so loved.

It was the day I realized that I’d found my path and the moment I knew who I wanted to walk beside me.

CHAPTER 31Ace

Tony wasn’t happy to see me back in LA. He drummed his fingers on the desk and stared at me until only military discipline kept me in my seat.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were in Chicago.”

“The job was done so I came back here to get my affairs in order and consider my options for the future.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed. “Are you leaving us?”

“I failed to protect my client, and as a result she was seriously injured,” I said. “I’m here to face the repercussions, both professional and legal. There may be lawsuits for negligence or breach of contract. You’ll need to fire me because my reputation in the industry will be shot, and you need to protect the company. I’ll understand if you blacklist me from working in the security industry altogether. I’m clearly not fit for the job, and I’ll likely lose my certification anyway.”

I wasn’t expecting his snort of laughter. “Is that it?”

“You’ll want these.” I put my security license, weapon, and my Stellar Security ID on his desk.

“I think you’ve watched too many cop shows,” Tony said. “You’re supposed to wait for me to say, ‘Give me your badge and your gun’ and then you give a half-hearted protest, hand over the goods, march away, and then secretly continue to work on whatever case it was that got you suspended in the first place. Although, those guys don’t usually beat themselves up.”

I wasn’t in the mood for Tony’s playful attitude. My failure to protect Haley weighed so heavily on me that I couldn’t sleep or eat. I was barely able to function, but this was something I coulddo, a form of restitution that would ease the guilt that was gnawing at my stomach. “There is no case to return to,” I said. “The threat was neutralized, and the client is safe.”

Tony sighed. “Do you know what happens in the cop shows after the rogue officer solves the case and the bad guys are put in jail?” He pushed the license and gun toward me. “The chief commends him and welcomes him back.”

“This isn’t a police show.”

“And you didn’t fail your client,” he said. “I talked to Haley. She was emphatic that you did nothing wrong. She said she insisted on going to the karaoke bar despite your vociferous protestations, and when things became serious, she followed your advice to leave. She also said that she begged you to save her friend and if you’d refused, she would have gone back herself. Nothing was more important to her; not even her own life, so in a way, by going back, you saved her all over again.”

“That’s sugar-coating it to the extreme.” I’d broken the rule about leaving a client unprotected and she’d paid a high price.

“I also talked to Senator Chapman,” Tony continued. “She expressed her gratitude for your actions in saving her daughter. She said she knew Haley, and there was no way you would have been able to change her mind about going to the bar, or saving her friend.”

I had been so certain that this was the end of my career in security that I almost couldn’t process what I was hearing. “So, no lawsuit?”

“No lawsuit. No termination. No loss of reputation. No blacklisting and no loss of your license.” Tony folded his arms behind his head. “But there have to be some consequences.”

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