Page 82 of Steal My Breath Away

I hope when you read this letter you’ve made it back home safe. Maybe you’re in Riverstone down by the creek, or in the forest behind my house walking the trails like you used to do. Or maybe you’re fishing at Smith Mountain Lake, and if you are, catch a big one for me.

I’ll have been gone months, maybe even years by the time you receive this letter. I know my family. My tough boxes will have been sitting in the garage unopened because Haley and Mom won’t be able to accept that I’m gone. But one day something will change, and I’ll finally be able to tell you what I need you to hear.

First, whatever happened to me is not your fault.

I don’t know how you will have rationalized it, but I know you will have convinced yourself that you are to blame for my death. But I was exactly where I wanted to be, and I died doing what I always wanted to do.

Yes, you read that right. I always talked about applying to dentistry because my dad desperately wanted me to get a professional degree. It was the one regret he had in life and the only thing he wished he could have changed, and I wanted to honor his wish for me. In my heart, though, I always wanted to be an airman, and when you enlisted, I realized that he would want me to be true to myself. You inspired and encouraged me. You made me believe that anything is possible. Thank you for giving me the courage to follow my dream.

It was an absolute privilege being your best friend. You were my brother in all but name. You made me see beauty in a world that had lost its color after my dad died, and you gave me hope in my darkest days. If I had a wish, it would have been that we’d met earlier and you would have been spared the pain of your past, but that childhood led you to Riverstone and brought you into my family and that’s something I would never change.

Don’t be sad or angry for me. I have been blessed with the best friend a man could have, a wonderful family and the honor of serving my country doing something that gave meaning to my life. I found my true path because of you. My only regret is that it caused you to suffer, and for that I am truly sorry.

Let me go in peace, and don’t waste any more time mourning me or feeling guilty for something that I freely chose to do. Live your life, Ace. Live it well. I would tell you to follow your dreams, but I know what’s in your heart and now it’s time to go and find her.

You and Haley have always had a connection. I knew it from the first day you met. You were the calm to her chaos, the port in her storm, and she was the sparkle and sunshine in your life. She is warm, generous, selfless, funny and when she loves, she loves deeply andwith all her heart. She buried all her emotions after our dad died, and my death will just make that worse. She’ll lose herself to grief just as you’ll lose yourself to guilt, but you can help each other find the way back.

She needs you, Ace, and you need her.

I know you love her, and you held back out of respect. I’m grateful for that because it meant that I wasn’t put in a position of having to choose before I was mature enough to understand that the heart wants what the heart wants and not even a bro code can change that. I cannot imagine a better man for Haley, and I cannot imagine a better woman for you.

Be strong. Be brave. Be free. Find your heart’s desire. And when you do, give her a hug for me.

Your friend always,

Matt

CHAPTER 35Haley

Good morning, Chicago. This isHidden Trackson WJPK, and I’m Haley Chapman. Today’s show is a very personal one. It’s about the times life throws you a curveball. You find yourself opening doors you’ve kept locked for years and letting the music that’s been trapped inside finally break free. That’s what happened to me, and I want to share it with you.

We’ll be exploring songs about new beginnings, about finding your voice when you thought it was lost forever. We’ll hear from artists who’ve turned their pain into poetry, their silence into symphonies. I also have an announcement to make. For the first time ever, I’ll be performing my own original songs. I’ll be at the Bluebird Café next Friday night and I hope to see you there to share this journey with me. It’s terrifying and exhilarating all at once, kind of like life.

Today’s playlist is for anyone who’s ever felt stuck, anyone who’s reopened old wounds only to find unexpected healing, anyone who’s standing at the threshold of something new and scary and beautiful. It’s for those of us learning to sing our own songs, even when the harmony isn’t quite perfect.

We’ll kick things off with a song I wrote to remind myself that sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is simply show up and be honest. Stay with us and remember—every ending is just a new beginning in disguise. This is “Echoes of the Heart” by Haley Chapman.

My heart pounded as hard as it had when I’d been hiding upstairs from the intruders in Riverstone. My first original song was goingout into the world, and I had no idea what people would think. I’d written an entire album’s worth of music in only two weeks and recorded “Echoes of the Heart” at a nearby studio before reaching out to local bars to see if they would be interested in booking me for a gig. My roommates, who had heard me practicing it dozens of times, had only nice things to say, but I wanted feedback from people who weren’t worried about hurting my feelings. I also wanted to hear from Ace, because I’d written that song for him.

Ace had returned to LA the day after the election. For some reason, I’d thought he would transfer to Chicago, and we would be together and live happily ever after. But he’d gone for a walk in the forest before his cab arrived and when he’d returned, I knew something wasn’t right. When I raised the issue of our relationship, he told me he had some things to figure out and some work to do on himself, but he promised he’d come back. I’d given him the benefit of the doubt, but it had been two weeks, and he hadn’t even sent me a text.

I kept busy catching up on schoolwork, taking makeup tests, touching base with my clubs, but mostly I sat on my floor writing new songs. I’d looked at the mess of papers on my floor when I’d returned from Riverstone and immediately knew what was missing. Paige had been shocked when I dumped everything in the recycling bin—two years’ worth of lyrics, two years of repressed emotion, two years of pain. Something had changed in me when I’d opened Matt’s box. I finally felt free and ready to share the feelings inside me, no matter how painful they were. They were my stories. Real stories. The stories of my heart.

Chad thumped on the glass outside the studio and held up his phone. “Line is blowing up,” he mouthed. I’d stopped checking messages during my shows after I’d received the threats and I had to steel myself to look at the screen.

Why haven’t you been playing your music before?

Love this song

Amazing

Gave me all the feels

Definitely coming to your gig

Why aren’t you signed? Or are you?

I responded to the last message with a hopefulNot yetand some cheerful emojis. I’d reached out to Stefan after the Bluebird had booked me, to let him know I was performing. I’d also sent him a download link to my new music, but a week had gone by and he hadn’t responded so I figured I still had some work to do.

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