Page 119 of Love on Tour
“Oh, yeah. In every way.”
“And how was it?” Julianna asked, sipping her wine.
“Amazing.”
“So that’s good, right?”
“Right up until this morning, when it all came crashing down on me. I’ve spent months living in fear because of my relationship with Austin. And I nearly got raped in high school. The idea of starting a relationship right now causes a panic attack. In some ways, I never expected to have a chance with Matt so I wasn’t prepared. A fantasy is one thing. Reality is another. I thought I had dealt with all my crap. But I haven’t. I never have. Until you made me acknowledge it, I refused to even call it an assault. But it was. And that memory and fear have never left me.”
Julianna leaned back against the couch. “Oh, Christine.”
“Matt recommended I go to Oasis for trauma healing. I think it’s a good idea.”
“I think it’s a great idea.”
“I need help, Julianna. Until I get myself sorted out, I’m no good to anyone.”
“That’s fair. Think Matt will wait?”
“He said he would. What do you think?” Christine asked, her eyes rimmed with tears, hoping Julianna would say what she wanted to hear.
“I think Matt’s the type that would wait for you forever.”
Christine reached over and hugged her friend. “Thank you.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Christine walked out of the Oasis building to see Julianna leaning against her car. Matt had stayed true to his word and finagled her a place in the trauma healing session that began just ten days after she returned home. She’d spent the week in an intensive program seeing and talking only to the program leaders and fellow attendees. Matt had offered to pick her up, but she didn’t know what frame of mind she’d be in so she asked Julianna to do it. Matt said he understood. She hoped he did.
Julianna wrapped her arms around Christine, who returned the hug. “Hello, my friend,” Julianna said before letting her go and grabbing Christine’s suitcase. She threw it in the trunk and they got in the car.
“Well?” Julianna asked.
“My therapist believes I have PTSD after a year of cyberbullying and being stalked, and then, of course, the incident from high school,” she said.
“No surprise there. That’s good, right?”
“Yes. That’s what I expected. She recommended I find an outpatient therapist. I need to work through some other issues as well.”
“Like what?”
“Self-esteem issues that I’ve had since high school. It’s amazing how those years affect us into adulthood. And equating men with danger. It flashes through my mind more often than it should.”
“That’s a lot to focus on at once.”
“Yeah. Who knew I was such a wreck?” Christine said.
“We’re all wrecks in our own way. But you have had more to deal with than most. You have a right to be a bit of a wreck.”
“But that’s what this course helped me with. It addresses emotional pain, compulsive behavior cycles, and disconnection that follows a traumatic experience. Those are all things I’ve been doing since even before Alicia. But when I pushed Matt away, I came face-to-face with my behavior for the first time.”
“And speaking of Matt?” Julianna raised her eyebrows.
“Don’t. I’m not ready to go there. It was only a six-day program. I need time,” Christine said.
“Let me ask you just one question.”
Christine narrowed her eyes. “What?”
