Page 64 of Love on Tour
“Nope. I believe at this point I’m considered re-virginized. And look who’s pointing fingers. When’s the last time you got laid?” Christine asked, pointing at her.
“What year is it?” Julianna said, making a face. “It’s been a good year and a half. Last time was with the physical therapist I met when I tore a hamstring doing yoga.”
“Corey?”
“Cody. This is getting depressing. Let’s watch the movie.”
They cued upLove Actuallyand started singing along with the opening scene.
When the movie ended and they’d each had two Baileys cocktails and a shot of whisky, Christine was feeling little pain. She grabbed her phone, walked over to the cooking pot with the bunny, took a photo, and posted it to her socials. She taggedAustin and included every hashtag she could think of to link his social accounts to her photo. She kept it short:A boiling bunny? You can’t be more original than that? Sooooo . . . 1980s.
Julianna ran over. “Are you crazy? What are you doing?”
“Fruck them,” Christine said, and then she started giggling. “He’s right. It is hard to say when you’re drunk.”
“Christine!”
“I’m taking control. A guy who was in the army told me once that the craziest person in a fight wins. Bring it on, you crazy bitches. I’ll be crazier.”
Julianna held up her glass in a salute and retweeted Christine’s comments. “Then I’ll be crazy with you.”
Half an hour later, Austin called. “What the hell is going on with you?”
“Your crazed fan left a cooking pot and a stuffed bunny on my doorstep. So, I called her out for her lack of origin, um, orinality. Um, her lack of . . .”
“Are you drunk?”
“Very.”
“Christine, you’re only going to incite the crazies with that post,” Austin said in a firm voice.
“That’s a very impressive word, Austin. Incite. To encourage behavior. Incite.”
“What?”
“When I complained about being bullied, my teacher said, ‘Well, Christine, did you do something to incite them?’ What a bitch she was. I said, ‘Yes, ma’am, I sure did. I showed up at school today.’ Then I went home and memorized the definition of ‘incite.’”
“Are you alone?”
“Nope. My hot girlfriend is here with me.” Christine fell into a fit of laughter.
“Put her on the phone.”
“He wants to talk to you,” Christine said, switching to speaker and handing the phone to Julianna.
“Hey, Austin. What’s up?”
“Okay, first, are you really girlfriends? Because if you are, I’m asking you—no, I’m begging you—take photos and send them. I swear I won’t show anyone else.”
“We aren’t gay, Austin. Sorry. The only hot photo you’re going to get is Christine and me in sweatpants on a couch watching movies.”
“I have an incredible imagination. Send them.”
“You’re hard not to like.”
“You’ve tried? Never mind. Is she okay? She sounds like she’s losing it.”
Christine held her fingers up in the okay sign. “Tell him I’m okay.”
