Page 8 of Lifebound

“Sometimes…” I started, but my voice trailed off.

I turned to the sky again because the stars twinkled like they understood.

And also, I didn’t want Betty to see the tears pooling in my eyes.

Fuck, I was so emotional today and I hated it when I wasn’t in control of myself.

“Sometimes you wish you could just disappear?” Betty filled in for me after a moment.

I smiled to myself. God, I loved this girl. “Sometimes.”

“Me, too. I think everybody has that thought at least once a week,” she said, and she was trying to make me feel better, but I kind of believed her. Books were my second bestest friends—because she came first, she told me—and I found myself between the lines of all kinds of stories all the time. It was nice to know I wasn’t alone in what I thought or felt or went through.

Exceptnicedidn’t erase this guilt that made me feel like I was suffocating on thin air.Nicedidn’t actually make anything better.

“Thanks for tonight, Bet. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Don’t thank me. This is the most fun I’ve had in ages.”

I looked at her. “We put fifty bags of food colorant in Mike’s pool last week.”

“Exactly—last week,” she said. “That’sages.”

“It really isn’t.” But I was smiling, and I knew that was her goal.

Besides—Mike was a dick who had been chatting up other girls while taking Betty on dates. We’d spent almost all our savings on those food colorants, but it had been worth every penny when the neighbor’s kids posted the video of Mike’s face when they woke up in the morning and found their pool had turned red.

Because the girl Betty had caught him texting was a red-haired girl from the town next to ours.

“Do you ever think about him, Nil?” she asked a little while after she finished her beer.

My stomach twisted and turned and all those butterflies that suddenly took flight inside me were awful.

All the while my face remained expressionless.

“Not really,” I lied. Because the truth wasall the damn time.

“Do you think maybe if you went back into the woods that you could find him again?”

I sat up, every inch of my skin covered in goose bumps. I pretended it wasn’t, though, but I suspected Betty could see through my bullshit.

“You’re the only person who ever believed me, did you know that?” She did know this because I told her so repeatedly.

“They’re dickheads, babe. Of course, they don’t believe you. They believe a dude is sitting in the clouds somewhere, watching them and playing puppet master with them all day.”

“Hey, I believe in God, too.”

“But you’re my friend, so you don’t count.” She shrugged.

I laughed. “Thanks, Bet. For serious. Thank you.” Just for existing.

“Don’t mention it,” she said, then looked away like she normally didn’t. I thought it was strange, but I didn’t pester her about it because the beer had gotten to my head. “But seriously, you should consider going back,” she insisted. “It has been…how many years?”

I pretended to think about it, like I didn’t count every single day. “Thirteen.”

“That’s a long time.” She whistled. “If you ever want to, I’ll go with you.” And she would, I had no doubt about it.

I leaned in and kissed her cheek. “If I ever want to, you’ll be the first to know.”

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