Page 19 of Twisted Minds

Noah puts his fork down and looks away. “The issue, Mark, is that you treated me like shit. You’re supposed to be my friend.You couldn’t even be nice to me for one night, but then I see you in the morning and some stranger is sleeping in bed with you. That . . .” He swallows hard. “That hurt me,” he admits. “That was the first time I realized you were using me just like everyone else. It was the first time I realized we weren’t really friends.”

“Noah.” He holds his hand up, cutting me off, and I swallow what I want to say.

“I have zero regrets about it. What we had was fun. This is a chapter of my life I’m going to enjoy as much as I can while I can. With you, though, I always thought we were different . . . that it was more than just a hookup. But that morning, seeing him with you, I realized that I’m just another guy to you. That I mean nothing.”

Fuck. “I don’t . . . I don’t know what to say. Sorry doesn’t feel like enough.”

“It’s not. I’m just hurt. I know you want to try this, but I’m having trouble getting past that.”

Sometimes I have tunnel vision when it comes to others; it’s hard to see what’s happening around me. I see facts and logic and act according to that. I knew Noah and I were friends with benefits, but I’m not sure why I just assumed he was okay with the arrangement we had. I didn’t realize Noah had feelings, and while they’re in no way romantic feelings, he thought I was his friend, and I betrayed him.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I just . . . I was an asshole. I didn’t understand what was happening with us.” I didn’t see his feelings for what they were—friendship. “I want to try. I really do. I want to be friends. I think I just freaked out and mistook how close we were getting for romantic feelings from you.”

“What you need to ask yourself is why that thought is scary enough to make you treat me this way.”

I have no answer for that. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that you aren’t even my type? I am annoyed you thought I was some stalker planning to have your babies. Could you imagine relying solely on my genes for looks? That’s too much responsibility on my gorgeous shoulders.”

And we’re back . . .

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m trying here and now you’re being an asshole. I am trying.”

“See, that right there. Why are you trying to be my friend?”

I pause, because honestly, I don’t know either. In high school, I didn’t really have any friends. We moved around a lot for Dad’s job until he got transferred permanently to a town about an hour from here. It was too late by then. Kids already had their cliques, and I really didn’t know how to talk to people. Hell, I still don’t. By the time I got here, I was so focused on my first year I didn’t have time to breathe let alone make friends. All the work was worth it, though, so I could spend the next three years with a lighter workload and more time available for my game.

Then I met Noah, and Derrick.

For the first time, I want a friend . . . a real friend, and after getting my head out of my ass I’ve realized I do like hanging out with Noah. I have so much weight on me all the time, it’s nice having someone to turn to. Even if I used sex as a distraction. “I just want to be friends. You’re like the only person who talks to me.”

“Aw, your only option. Love that for me. I love that so much. I feel so special.”

“Noah—” He holds a hand up, silencing me.

“A fresh start.” He holds his manicured hand out to me, and I take it. “No more sex. No matter how much you inevitably beg me.”

This is as much of a truce as I’m getting. “I am sorry. I am.”

“Just so we’re clear, you’re not even my type.”

“You’ve mentioned.”

“I’m also not looking for a relationship right now. I’m hours away from home for the first time in my nineteen miserable years on this planet. I have the freedom to fuck whoever I want. I need to get my fill before I graduate and have to work for my father and pretend to be sexually attracted to women for the rest of my life.”

“Is that really what you want to do?”

“Oh, honey. I don’t live in ‘what I want to do’ land. I have a free ride as long as my father believes he has a very straight, very business savvy son.” Well, that makes me very sad for him. It’s hard to see the person his father wants him to be. “What?”

“I mean . . .” I chew on a piece of bacon. “How does he not know?”

“Know what?”

“That . . . you’re gay.”

Those green eyes turn to ice. “Oh, fuck you.”

“I mean, I knew before you even opened your mouth.” He gives me the finger. “Then you spoke, and I really knew.”

---