Page 26 of Grand Slam

“You’re so crass.”

“Go ahead and tell me that I’m not speaking the truth,” Liz challenges her and there is nothing but silence. “Exactly.” Mysister sounds very pleased with herself. I love the banter the two of them share. “But you will have plenty of time to catch up when we get back to Chicago.”

A heaviness settles in the pit of my stomach.

“Or you could stay,” my sister tosses in and without realizing I was doing it, I hold my breath waiting for Emerson’s response.

“Reality is calling.” It’s like a kick to the nuts. “This life is amazing, watching him do what he loves and being able to be a part of it, but this isn’t my life.”

Without wanting to hear anything more, I gather myself and walk toward the kitchen searching for my keys.

“I’m gonna go fill up the tank.” I need some air. The gas had been topped off last night and the airport wasn’t too far. I don’t wait for either of them to figure out that I’m lying as I walk out and close the door a little too hard behind me.

Here I was ready to ask them both to move here, transfer their lives and be here with me. They could stop working and focus on school, and in exchange I’d get the best part, them. My sister is truly one of my best friends, I value her, and Emerson, this trip has reminded me of the feelings I’ve had and tucked away safely.

It was harder to pretend that what we shared was nothing big when she wasn’t right here in my face to remind me.

I thought she felt it too, I thought we were in this together.

“You sure about this?”Jerry asks as I turn toward the stadium.

“Yeah.” No. “It’ll be easier this way. I fucking hate goodbyes.”

“Does it have to be goodbye?” he asks. “From the way it looked the two of you had some unfinished business.”

“A little fun while on vacation,” I correct him putting up the shield, doing my best to play off that I wasn’t being crushed from the inside out. “Yeah there will always be something there with me and Emerson. But her life is in Chicago and mine is here. She’s ready to get back to hers and I had a few days of fun. It’s all good.”

It’s so far from good.

“Do they know I’m picking them up?”

“Not yet, but I’ll message them when we get off here. The guys are waiting at the field.” There was no one waiting for me. It was our day off, most were with their girlfriends, wives, and families. But I needed to feel grounded because everything at the moment felt so off-kilter. I needed to get my head straight and remind myself of what I was here to do.

Play ball.

Play ball like my life depends on it.

It’s what I was born to do.

It’s what I’m being paid to do.

“You need anything from me?” he asks.

“Just make sure they get on their plane safely.” I don’t wait for him to tell me I’m being an idiot. I already know I am. I’m being a coward, but I already told her goodbye once and I don’t think I have it in me to do it again.

Me: Something came up, Jerry is coming by to pick the two of you up. Call me when you are back home. Love you and be safe!

I send a group chat, because I wasn’t even sure what I’d say to Emerson.

Thanks for the life-altering sex. Good seeing ya, hope life treats you well.

What I really wanted to say was, what the fuck happened to ‘I don’t want to be just friends’?

Tossing my phone into the passenger seat, I turn into a parking space and before I have the chance to turn off my car, my sister is calling.

But I don’t answer.

Instead I climb out, grab my bag and make my way to the batting cages.

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