Page 131 of Tell Me What You Want, Or Leave Me

He won’t look at me.

“I was fine until you arrived.”

His words hurt me—they kill me—but when he sees I’m not saying anything, he goes on the attack again.

“Get out of here. I haven’t called you because I don’t want to see you.”

“But I want to see you. I care about you and—”

“You care about me?” he shouts, bloody eyes boring into me. “Come now, please...Go with your lover and get out of my life.”

The room door flies open, and Björn comes in in a fury. Eric’s face hardens even more.

“You two are too much. Get out of my room, both of you, right now.”

No one moves.

“I want you to leave! Out!”

His voice, his hard voice, makes me react, and, forgetting how bad he looks, I stare at those eyes I barely recognize and let loose.

“I’ve come to tell you live and in person: you’re a dickhead!”

My statement puzzles him.

“How can you be such an asshole?” Björn adds. “How can you think something like that about Jude and me?”

“You and I will talk when I feel better,” Eric growls. “Now go away. I don’t want to talk.”

“Oh, we’re going to talk,” Björn replies. “Stop being an idiot and behave like the man I’ve always believed you to be.”

“Björn...,” hisses Eric.

Björn looks at him and, with no change in his angry expression, declares, “I don’t care about your condition, your leg, your bruised face, or your eyes. I’m not moving from here until I see that proof you say so gratuitously you have against us. Douchebag!”

To hear that from Björn’s mouth in this moment of maximum tension makes me laugh, although there’s nothing funny about any of this. There’s a terrible tension.

Eric curses. He says hundreds of profanities in German, but we don’t move. He doesn’t scare us. We won’t leave without clearing things up once and for all.

I’m exhausted all over again.

I look around for the bathroom. When I locate it, I quickly vomit. I don’t feel well at all. I sit on the toilet until Björn comes in.

“If you’re sick, we can leave.”

I shake my head.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it. I just need Eric to believe us.”

“He will, precious. I promise he will.”

Minutes later, we’re back with Eric. He glares at us. I sit in one of the chairs and watch silently as he and Björn get into an argument. They say everything, and I stand on the sidelines. I don’t have the strength to speak.

Eric doesn’t look at me. He keeps avoiding me.

A nurse comes in to see what’s going on. Eric asks her to throw us out, but Björn, using all his charm, gets her out of the room by flirting and cajoling.

Eric and I are finally alone. I find my courage.

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