Page 156 of Now and Forever

I know he hasn’t taken his eyes off me, so I pick up my bag and get out of there as fast as I can. In the cafeteria, I order a Coca-Cola with lots of ice. I’m as thirsty as I am furious and hysterical.

What the hell am I doing? And, above all, what the hell is he doing? I open my cell and call Björn.

“Your little friend Eric is here. He came in mad as hell, asking me what you and I were doing yesterday in Madrid.”

“He’s in Madrid?”

At that moment, Eric walks into the cafeteria and looks for me. He sits at the opposite end of the bar, and I keep talking on the phone.

“Yes, and now he’s sitting right in front of me.”

“Fuck Eric!” says Björn with a laugh. “Look, my dear, you already know what I told you. He needs you. If you really love him, don’t be difficult and get back with him. He’s just waiting for you to take the first step. Be nice and sweet.”

Nice and sweet? What I did was declare war. I’m finding myself at the crossroads of my life, and I just can’t help but feel like we need to break this crazy cycle we’re in so we don’t keep hurting each other.

“Next weekend I’m thinking of going to Munich. I mentioned it to him, and he thinks I’m going with you to some party.”

“Wow, darling! That must have pissed him off,” he jokes.

After talking to Björn about my visit to Munich, I say goodbye and close my phone. I drink my Coca-Cola. I pay and leave the cafeteria. I go back to the office, and Eric follows two minutes later. He walks in and glares at me.

God, it turns me on when he looks at me that way.

I’m a goddamned masochist, but that stubborn gaze was part of what made me fall in love with him.

I try to concentrate on my work, but I just can’t. I know what I need. Despite everything, I long for his mouth, his touch, and since I know how to get it, I stand up, walk into Miguel’s office—he’s not in—and go from there to the archive room.

Eric doesn’t take long in joining me, and before I have time to breathe, he’s already behind me. He doesn’t touch me. He’s just there. I act like I haven’t noticed his presence, and I turn around and bump into him. Oh my God, I love his scent.

“You need something, Mr. Zimmerman?”

His mouth goes straight to mine.

He thrusts his tongue into my mouth and kisses me. He devours me with longing. His beard and mustache tickle my nose and face, and when his hands hold my head to pull me into the kiss, I fall into it. I need it. I need him. While he kisses me, burning and demanding, my body regains strength. When it’s over, I look at him but don’t wipe my lips.

“Remember, sir, my mouth is not just yours anymore.”

Once I say that, I push him against the filing cabinets and walk out, bursting with energy after getting my kiss. But then I regret it. What am I doing? He needs me to take the next step, but my pride and my fear won’t let me. He doesn’t come near me again for the rest of the day, but he doesn’t stop watching me. Clearly, he wants me as much as I want him.

42

The next day, Eric doesn’t show up at the office. I call Björn, and he tells me he’s back in Munich. I feel calmer once I find that out, and the following Friday afternoon when I leave the office, I take my own flight to Germany. Marta comes to pick me up, and even though she’s mad about it, I insist I want to stay in a hotel. I’ve been thinking more about what I want. If Eric and I do make up, I want to have a place to take him. On Saturday morning, I meet up with Frida. She tells me Björn is throwing a party at his house tonight, and Eric thinks I’m going to be there.

I tell her I’m not planning to go. I don’t want to play without him.

In the afternoon, I go to Sonia’s house. She embraces me affectionately, and we have a lovely visit. Surprisingly, Simona shows up at Sonia’s. She gives me a big hug, and, laughing, she tells me what’s happening onEmerald Madness. But one of the best moments is when Flyn comes over. He doesn’t know I’m here, and, when he sees me, he runs into my arms. He’s missed me. After several squeezes and kisses, he shows me his arm. It’s totally mended, and he whispers to me that he and Laura are talking to each other now.

After we eat, when Flyn and I are playing on the Wii, Eric shows up. When he sees me, his face turns cold. He’s shaved, and he’s back to being as handsome as always. When he greets me with two kisses and his cheeks touch mine, I tremble. I close my eyes and enjoy the delicate brush between us. Marta and Sonia take Flyn to the kitchen. They want to leave us alone.

“Have you come for Björn’s little party?”

I don’t answer. I just look at him and smile.

Eric swears, then gets up and leaves. He doesn’t give me a chance to speak. Through the window, I see him climb back in his gray BMW and drive away. I sigh. I shouldn’t have provoked him. When Marta returns, she grabs my shoulders.

“That brother of mine, if he keeps carrying on like this, he’s going to go crazy.”

I’m going to go crazy too ... I think. At seven o’clock, we go to the hotel. I change clothes, and, contrary to what Eric thinks, I go out to party with Marta. We go to the Guantanamera where Arthur, Anita, Reinaldo, and several other friends are waiting for us.

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