Page 11 of Iris of the Crowned Flame

Spencer bowed before leaving. Ivy and I turned to leave, and I realized that this evening went much better than I expected. I had found each of the men I intended to choose in the morning, and after meeting them, I could feel comfortable opening my heart and perhaps even my kingdom to them.

CHAPTER 8

In the morning, Amyra and Ivy met with me to have breakfast. Immediately after breakfast, I had to meet with Father and Ethan to discuss the ball; afterward, we would present our decision to the Council just before lunch. Amyra and Ivy not only wanted to have all the details on the men and how it all went, but hopefully they could help me process some emotions that came up. The idea of marriage, especially with a man, still makes me feel ill. I would rather die with the world believing me a virgin queen than to be expected to submit to a husband.

Ivy and Amyra filled the room with small talk while the courtiers work on the surrounding room. They shared how their evenings went, some of the silly mistakes that the single ladies made while watching the suitors, and how some suitors acted once they inferred they wouldn’t have a chance. Some other potential courtships may have started last night, despite my concerns.

Once they cleared the room, the conversation immediately shifted. It was time to discuss the decision. Ivy started first. “OK, so Lyla, tell me, do you still think that Egan, Frederick, and Spencer are the right choices?”

“Yes, most certainly. Frederick seems to be genuinely kind and respectful. I still have my guard up, because I can’t seeLord Luther sponsoring such a man, but he would make a good choice if that’s the best option politically. Egan was charming in the bumbling idiot way, but we share some interests. Keeping him close might ease his nervousness from last night. Though far from kingly, a relationship could strengthen our trade and knowledge of their kingdom. I suspect I will have to tell him early that he is unlikely to win, because I don’t think anyone has ever denied him anything before. I will have to feel out his emotional grasp before I make that decision. And Spencer is Spencer. He deserves that spot.”

I avoided looking at Amyra when I mention his name. It was one thing for me to have to take a king, but I worry how she would feel if it’s Spencer. She knew the history he had with my family, and it might have felt like a true betrayal. Good Gods, I really hate this. It was the last thing I wanted to be doing.

Ivy must have noticed the tension on my face. “Do you still believe this is the best plan? Are you sure you don’t want to get out of taking a husband?”

I stared her down, so hurt. “I wish I could.”

I let out a deep sigh. “Truly and really, I wish I could. I understand the need for two rulers. We don’t have one god to show the way and thus we cannot have one person leading us there. But no one has ever told me why it must be a king and a queen.”

I could feel my face getting hot with anger. I loathed this. Noticing Amyra’s tearful gaze, I realized we were thinking the same thing. If I could be free to be me, if she could be free to be herself, there would be no question about who we would be.

“I’m so sorry. If you ever need to change our situation, or to head to your estate, please know, I will completely understand. I will miss you tremendously, but I never want to ask you to endure more.”

“Never. Lyla, I’m here. I’m going to always stay here. I’ll be by your side until they force us apart.” Amyra grabbed my hands and leaned in to kiss my cheek. I smiled at her through the tears.

I needed to calm down the emotions and to control my thoughts. I had little time before going to Father’s office, so I needed to compose myself. Rising, I went to the bathing chambers to freshen my face. Ivy brought up one of the earlier topics, helping Amyra refocus her thoughts, too.

As I came back into the sitting room, Amyra stood up and moved to me, reaching for my hands. “You will always be my love, and I will never begrudge you for fulfilling your duties to the kingdom. Your commitment to Elthas is part of why I love you so much.”

Ivy stood up with her but chose not to close the distance between us. “Lyla, we will both support you until the last of our days. Your rule will bring about a lot of changes, and we will always be here at your side to help you find the right balance.”

I didn’t know what I had done to deserve such noble women by my side, but I realized they speak true. “Thank you, both of you. I don’t deserve either of you, but I am forever thankful that you are my closest friends. I love you both, in such different ways, and I hope to be half the ruler you think I will be. At least then I know I will have provided well for Elthas.”

Amyra reached for me and offered a hug. We could never get enough of these embraces. My mind raced to thoughts about how our time available for each other was about to change. Once I take a husband, it would become so important to not allow him any hint of what may have been in the past. My heart nearly broke again.

I broke our hold and took a deep breath. “I need to go see Father and Ethan. Will you come to the announcement? If I find a way out of this, I want you both there to witness it.”

Amyra smiled. “We wouldn’t miss it for anything. I hope you find the decision that brings you peace, even if it means having a husband. I know we were never truly destined to be together.”

Oh Amyra, how could we be destined for anyone but eachother? Why would the gods curse us with such love for each other when we couldn’t really have it? Fate is so cruel.

I arrivedat Father’s office before Ethan. I smiled; he was usually the one holding up the lessons when we were children. I remembered all the times that our governess or Mother would scold him for losing track of time.

Father and I chit chatted some about the evening while waiting, but eventually, Father’s patience grew thin, so we got into the details of this upcoming meeting. I finally briefed him on the plan for the trials.

“OK, so the plan you have is to select three men. And which three are they?” I briefly repeated their names. His eyebrow raised with Spencer’s name. “The Vondalon Prince? Wasn’t he Ethan’s closest friend as a child? Are you sure?”

I nodded. “Yes. I know we have good relations with Vondalon already, but honestly, Spencer is the only suitor that I’m already willing to trust with the kingdom. If they force me to choose just one man, it will be him, but the Council likely knows that. I suspect that since Lord Luther and Lord Denenbaum each have a choice among the three, they will entertain this second stage, hoping one of the other suitors ends up the option instead.”

Father smiled. “This is good planning. But is there actually a chance for the other men? Or are you stringing them along with this game for a different motive?”

I keep my expression composed, suppressing the range of emotions I have over being forced into this choice. I hoped to convince them to let me take Amyra as my wife if I couldn’t find a way out of the marriage altogether. But I was not ready to admit that, not even a little.

“They have a chance, yes. Prince Frederick was surprisingly charming, but I didn’t spend nearly enough time with him to discern if it was a mask hiding something else, or if that’s his true nature. Prince Egan was a bit more of a bumbling fool,but we genuinely share some interests, and there may be potential for teaching him etiquette and polishing him. Both could be great contenders, and I hope that if they don’t marry me, they are wise enough to take the companionship we build as a sign of diplomacy and allow us to find other ways to improve relations with their kingdoms.”

Father’s eyebrow raised, like he doubted the sincerity. I did intentionally avoid answering the question about motives, but hopefully he didn’t catch that. Ethan knocked on the door, and Father called out to give him permission to enter. I’m a bit relieved; he might not ask again.

Ethan quickly entered, quickly poured himself a glass of rum from the side table and then sat down. “Good morning, everyone! I hope you had a splendid morning.”

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