Page 131 of The Fix-Up

—Ollie

P.S. You’ve probably met that grandson of mine by now too. He seems like a good sort, real smart and educated and tall, too. Nothing like me, but maybe that’s exactly how it should be. Maybe he won’t be afraid to follow his heart.

“Hey, kiddo, got a minute to talk to me?”

Oliver looked up from the building block set he was working on. It was a dinosaur, of course. “Sure. Have a seat.”

I smiled. Sometimes he sounded so grown up. But he was just a little boy, and I was going to make him very sad about now.

“I need to tell you something.” I picked up a long orange building block and spun it around.

Oliver plucked it out of my hands. “I need that one. See?” He held up the instruction book and I nodded even though I had no idea what I was looking at.

“Mr. Gil and Mikey left.”

He stilled and turned his head to look at me. “Without even saying goodbye?”

“They needed to get back to their house,” I said in a gentle voice. “Remember we talked about this?”

His face fell. “But I thought they liked it here. I-I thought Mr. Gil was your boyfriend now. I saw you kissing him and Teacher says that’s what boyfriend and girlfriends do.”

“Kiddo, it’s complicated.”

Oliver put down the building blocks. “Grown-ups say that only ’cause they don’t want to tell kids the real reason.”

I laughed softly. “You’re kind of smart, you know that?”

“I know.” He sighed like it was some great burden, this information.

“Look, Mr. Gil needs to be with Mikey and Mikey feels most comfortable at his home.”

“I wish they could stay here with us forever.” He leaned against my leg.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “I know, sweetie. But sometimes people come into our lives for only a little bit. They teach you something and they go off to teach someone else something. What do you think Mr. Gil taught you?”

“How to be a man,” he said without hesitation. “He said a man sometimes has to do stuff he doesn’t want to do because it’s the right thing to do, and we should always think of other peoplefirst.” He knelt and put his cheek on my knee. I rubbed his back. “I don’t know if I can do all that without his help.”

“I think you’ll do just fine.” The love I felt for this kid was endless. And while it was sad Gil and I weren’t going to work out, I did have Oliver. I would always have him. A different kind of love, like Ollie had said in his letter.

“What did Mr. Gil teach you?” he asked.

That good men existed, that someone could see past all my mistakes, that you could fall in love without ever saying the words and know in your heart it’s true. That maybe, just maybe I’m stronger than I think I am. “He did teach me to fold a fitted sheet. That’s a pretty big deal.”

Oliver stood up. “Mommy, you’re crying.”

I put a hand to my face and felt the moisture there. “I guess I am.”

He darted away and came back with a tissue. “You should help me build this dinosaur. Dinosaurs always make me feel better.”

So, we built a dinosaur and Oliver chattered about the latest creature he’d learned about and, even though my heart hurt, it also beat just as strong for the life I did have. For the happy ending I did get with this new life I’d built for Oliver and for me.

It wasn’t the kind of happy ending I expected, but it was the one I was getting just the same.

FIFTY-EIGHT

Love is caring deeply about someone that you would sacrifice your life for them.

—KATHERINE P., AGE 11

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