Page 87 of The Fix-Up

“Has it been?” Had I shuffled closer to him somehow? Stupid girl.

He huffed. “Not really. He’s having a hard time. I go and check him out on the weekends and spend the time with him at home where he’s comfortable. He likes home. It’s familiar. There’s been so many changes. His dad dies, his brother moves him into this group home and then leaves. He doesn’t understand a lot of it, so I try to keep it as simple and easy as possible.”

I turned the hand he was gripping until we were palm to palm. His fingers tangled with mine. “That’s a lot for you, too.”

“I want to bring him back to the house where he’s happiest. But I can’t be there all day once I go back to work, and paying for a full-time caregiver is?—”

“—expensive.”

“Dad didn’t have a lot of money. It’s expensive to have a child with special needs. He had a life insurance policy, which covered his funeral and has paid the bills since he passed. All I have left is the house…and Mikey. I have to do right by him.”

I sucked in a breath as an ache took up residence in my chest. It wasn’t all he had left. Maybe…maybe…he had more people than he realized. Maybe I could be one of those people? But was that me being impulsive and letting my feelings take over? What would he say if I said this out loud? I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Could I?

“I expected more talking. Have I broken you?”

“Maybe?”

He laughed softly. “For what it’s worth, you’re the first person in a long time I’ve wanted to share things with.”

My heart flopped over in surrender. How was I supposed to resist him? “That’s worth a lot, actually.”

“Good. Now go to sleep.”

And even though I knew better, I went to sleep still holding his hand.

THIRTY-FOUR

Love is hugs and kisses.

—ZOE L., AGE 6

“Mommy?” A finger poked my shoulder. “Mom. Mommy.”

I groaned and pried open an eye. The pale light from the hallway streamed into the bedroom and shone directly on Oliver. He was standing in front of me wearing his favorite pair of cargo shorts and one of the new button-down shirts he’d insisted on using some of his birthday money to buy. He said he wanted to match Mr. Gil.

“Little man, the alarm hasn’t gone off yet. You know the rule.”

“It’s four forty-two.” He pointed at the digital clock next to the bed.

“What? No! It can’t be.” I needed to get dressed, obsess about what happened last night, make Oliver’s lunch, get to the café, and do it all in eighteen minutes. I tried to sit up but somehow, I was trapped.Again.

“Hi, Mr. Gil.” Oliver waved.

I froze and took stock of my surroundings. Oliver’s little stunt. Ollie’s room. Bed. Arm around my waist. My back pressed against a warm wall. That wall belonged to the one person I should not be cuddling with, especially in front of Oliver. Talk about giving him ideas. He’s going to think that Gil is my?—

“Mommy, is Mr. Gil your boyfriend now?” he asked, practically levitating in his excitement.

Exactly that.

With a grunt, I shoved Gil’s arm off me and scrambled out of the bed. My hair had been in a messy bun but now it flopped forward to cover my eyes. I shoved it back.

“Young man, you are in deep, deep trouble for locking us in here.” I set my fists on my hips. His precious little face fell, and my heart squeezed. Punishing him was the worst. I had to be firm here. “It was not cool at all.”

His eyes darted from me to Gil and whatever he was doing behind me and then back to me. “I’m sorry. I just wanted you and Mr. Gil to spend time together. Teacher says that’s what dating is. She says that’s how you fall in love and be boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Oliver—”

“And then you can be married, and I can get a baby brother.”

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