"I can't….Mammahas enough on her plate," she whimpers, and I feel my own eyes misting. Catalina's always tried to take care of us, sometimes even disregarding her own health. Besides, in order to get some extra things for Claudia, she sometimes takes on double the chore load.
"Then tell me," I say, "I'll always be there to help you, okay? Don't hold it in. These people." I shake my head, my own emotions coming to the surface, "They think we're less because of our circumstances. But we're not.You'renot, you hear me?"
I don't even know how to express everything I've held within myself for so long. How do I give someone else advice about this when I'm barely surviving myself?
"Yes, Aunt Sisi." Claudia whispers, and I use the pads of my thumbs to wipe the tears from her face.
"Don't let others tell you your worth. You're the only one who can determine that. No matter how cruel people are," I add, both for her and for me, "they can only hurt you if you let them."
She nods at me, her tiny hands clenched in fists. She nods before coming closer and hugging me.
"Thank you," she says against my chest. "Thank you."
We hold on to each other for a while, going back inside only when the tears have dried, and we've returned to our cheerful selves, for Catalina's sake.
"Sisi,"Lina calls out to me one afternoon. Confused, I raise my eyebrows in question, but she just waves me over.
"Come," she whispers when I reach her side, "I have something for you."
Going inside our accommodation, she lifts the mattress up to reveal a few stacks of books. Taking a few out, she places them in my arms.
"I asked my brother to sneak some books in," she starts, pointing at the titles, "I told him something more romantic but classic," she blushes as she talks.
My eyes go down to the books and I see most of them are by someone named William Shakespeare.
"They're for you," she adds when she sees me staring at them in wonder.
"For me?" I repeat, almost numbly.
She nods. "I know your birthday passed but." She looks down, almost ashamed. "I've seen you hide around with that book of yours, and I know you're trying to read something… different."
"It's for me," I repeat in wonder, blinking rapidly to chase the tears away.
It's the first time someone's given me something… for me.
"For you," she confirms, giving me one of her kind smiles. I deposit the books on the bed and I give her a big hug.
"Thank you," I start, trying to keep my voice steady, "this means a lot to me." So much she can't possibly imagine.
"I'm glad you like it." She pats my back affectionately.
"I love it." I feel compelled to enforce it.
Drawing back, Lina purses her lips. "You'll have to be careful. If Mother Superior or any of the sisters catch you…"
"Don't worry. I'll be extremely careful," I assure her, immediately switching my attention to the books.
There are three of them, all skinny enough to fit inside my uniform. I quickly peruse the titles;As you like it, Anthony and CleopatraandRomeo and Juliet.
I skim them quickly, frowning a little at the complicated language, but undeterred in enjoying this gift.
My first.
Thanking Lina once more, I head back to my sanctuary and I hide the books inside the coffin, knowing no one will look there.
For the next week, I try to squeeze some time daily to read, the content of the plays astounding me, making me gasp with excitement, and cry of outrage.
Soon, one play quickly becomes my favorite and as I read about Anthony and Cleopatra's struggles to be together as well as their devotion to one another, I can't help but want something like that for myself.